


Still falling for you

by Mrsblackdixon89



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fix-It, Twilight Team Jacob
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-07-12 05:13:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19940779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrsblackdixon89/pseuds/Mrsblackdixon89
Summary: Edward left, we all know that. But what if Bella wasn't so "zombie" like? What if she could've pulled herself out of her utter heartbreak even just a little bit more? Maybe she would've really seen what was always right in front of her, her sun. Maybe they would have had a real chance at being together. Let's find out... Lemons to come! This is soley a JxB fic, you've been warned.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Why hello there ;-)
> 
> I guess it's easy to tell I'm Team Jacob from my user name lol! I've never written anything for Twilight, I've just happily read others' amazing pieces but after watching Breaking Dawn recently an idea came to me so here's my first Team Jacob story! The title is from Ellie Goulding's song Still falling for You, the lyrics fit our couple well.
> 
> I have loved and will always love Robert for the awkward person and spectacular actor he is in real life. Because of these feelings I just told myself "you're Team Edward" and read all the books right after I saw the first Twilight movie in theaters and fell in love with the series. In saying that, New Moon was always my favorite book so to no real surprise, after reading New Moon for the second time I switched to Team Jacob and never looked back. I love him, the wolf pack, the Quileute history and of course La Push.
> 
> I hate how weak Bella was portrayed after Edward left, she loves her Mom and Dad and I feel she would've pulled herself out of her zombie state at least somewhat. I think she would've worked more on herself as Bella, trying to find herself, and still would've held onto her dramatic tendencies when it comes to love. She's human so there was definitely nightmares still and self esteem issues but hey wouldn't we all have those if we got dumped in the woods? This is more of life without the Cullen's, semi-normal but still magical. Work with me and use your imagination for certain OC moments and timelines I may have.
> 
> I really love to hear from you so review even to say hi! Here goes nothin *covers eyes emoji*

* * *

They say time heals all wounds. And I say that's crap. It can dull the ache, it can make it easier to switch your thoughts off the pain, but it doesn't heal. Especially when time moves in slow motion. This past month, the first month since _Edward_ left me lost in the woods, has felt like life is almost paused it has gone by so slowly.

I can only recall moments from them first couple of days after Sam found me. I remember sitting in my room looking out of my window, in shock that the Earth was still moving, the days still coming and going after a landmine had imploded my happiness in a matter of minutes.

Those couple of days sitting there, trying to work out the kinks from my body, get rid of the cold that felt as if it sat in my bones from the hard, unforgiving forest floor, were my lowest points, ever. I'm still cold, I don't think I'll ever feel right in my skin again in that regard but as soon as I could clear my head at all and once everything, except the gaping hole where my heart used to be, stopped hurting I forced myself out of that freaking chair.

Most of my foggy memories from the past month are of Charlie. For the first time in my life I started to feel like I found my place, and I know that wasn't Edward's doing, it's was Charlie's. We weren't overly affectionate and we weren't glued at the hip but we loved each other in our own way that suited us both just fine. I loved being with the _Cullens_ of course I did, but I knew I didn't fit in. They welcomed me and I always had fun and never felt uncomfortable but I'm not that crazy to know as a human my place wasn't with them all the time. That's one of the reasons I wanted to be changed, to fit in place with them and their life. But my human life, my right now was with my Dad. My hard working, caring, tried his best, Dad. So I began trying for him.

The first few weeks that I attempted "normal" life again was Hell, that much I remember. I was a robot on autopilot. Try to sleep, fail miserably and wake-up my stressed father, lie awake until almost sunrise then shower and make breakfast, try to eat as much as possible to make Charlie feel better, go to school, speak when spoken to, go home, do homework, housework, make dinner, rinse and repeat. My grades were the only aspect of my life that was excelling since I wanted to keep busy ALL the time I finished every assignment as it was given to me. I felt slightly more human after those initial couple of weeks but I was nowhere near okay.

At the end of the first (and, spoiler alert, last) month of Robot Bella, I got the reality check I needed. I went upstairs to get something from my room and heard Charlie on the phone to Renee. His bedroom door wasn't shut all the way so even from the top of the stairs I could hear him clearly. I would usually never invade someone's privacy but his tone stopped me dead in my tracks and I couldn't have moved if I tried. Charlie was on the brink of tears, his voice cracking as he spoke. I didn't think I had a heart left to break at that point but hearing my tough, Police Chief father breaking down because of me, I felt my heart break some more. He was telling my mom how worried he was, that he didn't care if I was up and out of the house he knew I wasn't okay and I had to be okay, it was all he ever needed. He didn't want me to go to her and didn't think it would help anyway. I don't think he was looking for advice I think he needed to fall apart somewhat after being so strong for me for weeks.

That night when I went to bed I forced myself to think back on the past month, no matter how much it made the hole in my chest burn. I thought about _him_ leaving me, about not seeing or hearing from any of the _Cullens_ since that fateful night of my birthday, how empty life feels without them. But I also thought about happy and relieved Charlie was when Sam brought me to him, I remember his voice and how hard he held onto me. My Dad cherished me, my life, my well-being and my happiness. My mom no matter how scatterbrained she is, is a loving and wonderful person whom I'm lucky to have. My friends, who have only known me a year, are good people who have been and still are checking in on me and are working their asses off to include me everyday at school. And of course there's Jake. I remember hearing him that same night this all started in the woods and then downstairs talking to Charlie in the days to follow. He calls the house and texts me almost everyday (I haven't been ready to see him yet, even if I can't figure out exactly why). And I always respond, just the sight of his name on my phone lessens the pain even just for a moment.

I lost a lot, a family, friends, a life and a...love, a great, all consuming love. I won't be the same ever again but who is after a break up? I don't know if I'll ever love again but I'm still beyond lucky to have everything and everyone in my life.

I decided right then that I had to try harder and do better if for nothing else than for Charlie. Hopefully, I can do this for myself one day but starting in the right direction is enough for now.

And that direction is towards La Push.


	2. Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo slow and steady wins the race? LOL The first few chapters are setting the scene so not a whole bunch of action will be going on. However, I'm going to post a few chapters at once to make it a little better.
> 
> Another note to add, imprinting does happen (not yet) in my story but I'm playing around with it a bit.
> 
> Onto to the next!

Here I am. Super early on a Saturday morning, with coffee and donuts outside the Black's red house. Why am I so nervous to see Jake? He's always been the best friend anyone could ask for. And Charlie's reaction this morning when I told him I was going to see Jacob only solidified my decision to go. Not that I wanted my Dad to half choke on his travel mug of coffee as he was leaving for the early shift at the station. His face splitting smile was more of what convinced me to go. But since this shift could still be considered the graveyard shift it was so damn early, I had to waste time before leaving for the reservation because sleep left me gasping for breath at around 4:00am and was never coming back to me.

Since I was trying harder to be myself, or to find my new self, I took a real shower. Not the robotic, "okay, I'm clean get out" ones of the past month, but a long, exfoliating, hot, steamy, shower. I lotioned from head to toe after and went back to using my minimal hair products that helped my natural waves to not be frizzy after blow drying them. I love my hair, it's easy to handle thank goodness and it's one of few things I like about myself, the color, the natural curl. The one non awkward feature I have. A touch of lip gloss, subtle eye shadow and mascara that _Alice_ had gifted me (they were part of a huge make up set that Hollywood make up artists must own but I just pick out items I know how to use) and I'm done.

Aaaand it's still close to being obnoxiously early to knock on someone's door. I decide to put together a crock pot recipe and leave it to cook while I'm out and finally it was getting to a reasonable hour. For some reason I wanted to bring something with me even though I knew Jake nor Billy would expect it. I had found this really cozy cafe on the edge of Forks, it had a chill, hippie vibe with sweet down to earth staff and books for you to read while you're there. It's the kind of place that will make the top of a "Best hipster places to grab a latte" list on some popular website one day. Probably didn't need the americano I had ordered with the way my fingers nervously tapped the steering wheel all the way to La Push but the nerves would die down and I'd need my usual caffeinated pick me up.

Which brings me back to the moment, my hands full of goodies at the door of the quaint and calming house I've known all my life. I somehow knock with my elbow and shortly after the door opens to Billy, with first an expression of shock on his face, but that quickly turns to one of pure joy as he exclaims,

"Bella, stranger, it's so good to see you!"

"You too Billy, I'm sorry it's been so long." I can feel myself blushing as I reply and walk into the house.

"There's never a need to apologize to me. You're like family, we all have our...hard times and need to get through them in our own way. I'm just glad to see you." He tells me, instantly making me feel at ease that the elephant in the room was addressed and it wasn't awkward.

"Thanks Billy, it has been tough but I'm ready to start and try to be back to normal. I have some donuts and coffee." I say as I place them on their kitchen table.

"I'm glad to hear it. And if you're going to come bearing gifts, especially edible ones, I hope you plan to visit more often from now on!" He says with a chuckle.

I find my self smiling as I unpack the goodies and grab plates and napkins, and it feels good.

"If you'll have me then that's what I was hoping for." I tell him as I return his happiness with the best imitation I can muster, at least its genuine . "Is Jake home?" I ask.

But before Billy can even open his mouth to reply we both turn towards the hallway at the sound of someone sucking in a breath.

"B-bella?!" Jake's deep voice sounds in the kitchen and he's more shocked than his father was to see me.

"Hey Ja...ugh!" I'm cut off mid greeting by his enormous, warm bear hug. My arms instinctively go around his neck and we hold each other until my need for oxygen forces us apart.

"Jake. Need. Air." I rasp out.

"Shit, sorry Bells." Jake says as he quickly loosens his hold and places my feet back on the floor, but his hands stay on my forearms as he inspects me.

"I just can't believe it's really you, or are you a hologram?" He asks me, I think half serious.

And for the second time since I walked in the door I feel at ease, happy and laugh my reply to him.

"You caught me, isn't it crazy how life like these things are?" I finish with an awed expression and my head cocked to the side.

His throaty laugh makes me feel almost as good as his hug did. It felt like he was holding me together. There was no hole, no pain, no anxiety, it just felt...right. Being here with them both, I felt like a different person, it felt good. Okay time to move off this topic for now.

"Man I missed you Bells. And the snacks just make this even better! Definitely not complaining but what brings you to our humble abode today, is your truck acting up?" Jake asks me before stuffing an entire donut in his mouth.

I have to force my face not to show the cringe I feel inside, how crap of a friend am I that he thinks I only came to see him for a favor. This, this shit has to change, I'm better than making my friends and family feel unimportant.

"No no she's great. I just realized how long it's been since I saw you and thought I would see if you're free to hang out today." I tell him.

The smile on his face now does something to my insides that feels new and nice. It's no less dazzling than the first one but it's coy and boyish and...handsome.

"I'm always free to spend time with you. I do have a couple of cars to work on a bit though, I've been taking on more and more since our local mechanic has been sick." Jake says.

Of course my teenage best friend who takes care of his father on his own is also helping the reservation when someone isn't well. And here I am hoping his sunny, happy personality can start to piece me back together. If it wouldn't have looked as crazy as I feel I would've smacked myself for being selfish and not even checking in with him before barging into his life.

"I had no idea, I'm so sorry and for coming unannounced like this. Let me go and we can hang out another time." I rush the words out trying to leave as quickly as I can.

"No! Bells I mean it I always have time for you and I really have missed you. Please stay. It might be boring but just come to the garage with me for an hour or two then we can hang out for the rest of the day. Yes?" He asks me with puppy dog eyes and all the while still holding my hand from when he stopped me from turning towards the door.

"Okay, if you're sure." I give in easily. It doesn't hit me until much later, at home in my bed, that I probably succumbed to his assurance so quickly because I hadn't once thought of the Cullen's or felt like I was falling apart since the moment I laid eyes on Jake.

After eating our "healthy" breakfast and chatting over coffee Jake gets ready for the day and we head into the garage. We stay there a good two hours because I will not let him mess up his work schedule just because I'm visiting. The entire time is filled with conversation and laughter and I swear I healed a little bit that morning. It's not until Jake is finishing up his second car that I notice how tall he's gotten (and buff but I don't mention that part to him).

"What's in the water down here? You've grown like two feet since I saw you on my birthday." I say.

His responding laugh warms me immediately. "I don't know about two feet but I did have a growth spurt. I think I'm 6"2 now. Maybe you should drink our water sometime, help you out my height challenged friend." Jake finishes with a wink in my direction.

After trying my damnedest to ignore the resulting butterflies in my stomach I throw a rag his way and miss by a mile. Oh well, it's the thought that counts, right?

The rest of the day is simple and happy and just what I needed. Thankfully, looking at Jake's expression it seems like he feels the same. We even had fun at the grocery store, who knew that was possible? Billy told us that my Dad was coming up for dinner so we grabbed what we needed to go with the fish fry Charlie was bringing. My crock-pot special would have to wait for tomorrow. The Blacks aren't cheap or hard up for money but they're men and have empty cupboards and a sparse fridge. I fully intend on spending time on the reservation with Jacob so I grabbed what I would need to keep us all fed and not hangry. Jake's face lit up when I explained the full cart of food and other necessities.

That night the four of us started a tradition, once a week we would have a fish fry meal at the Blacks. It was a tradition we all needed and treasured.

Something else that started that day was me and Jake's unbreakable bond. We saw each other almost everyday and when we didn't see each other we were texting or talking on the phone. I got to know Jake's friends Embry and Quil, we even hung out the four of us quite a bit and I swear I've never laughed as hard as I do when those three go at it.

A lot of time was taken up with school work. Jacob is extremely intelligent and is graduating the same time as me thanks to his SAT scores and AP classes. He has "too much responsibility and hates sitting still" are his reasons for working his ass off extra for eighteen months so he could graduate early and work on making his garage a business. I've decided on a gap year. I've never been set on university and if I do go it has to be the right fit for me and since I don't know who the hell I am yet I'm not locking into a four year 100k per year school right now. I've been working on my writing a lot lately, it's sucking me in in the best way and I think I'm getting somewhere. I know becoming a published author is beyond tough but it's a goal I'm going to work towards.

On the not so happy side, these past couple of months haven't erased my pain or self doubt completely. There's still nightmares, they're not as intense, I don't scream anymore and I can usually go back to sleep, but they're still present daily. And I see how Jacob looks at me, how he always finds a reason to touch me or brush against me. I can tell when he's being flirty and trying to express that he wants to be more than friends even though he would never push or rush me. Even though I can't deny the butterflies he gives me just by walking into a room let alone when he's actually trying to make them appear. Or how subconsciously I flirt back (probably in the lamest way) without even meaning to. I know that I've started on a path to find myself, someone stronger, someone I like, because of Jake and how positive he is and how he pushes onto me the way he sees me therefore forcing me to give myself a chance.

But I just can't be enough for him. No matter how hard I've been trying, with me, my friendships and my family, my heart is still broken. I still feel unworthy of someone's love especially a love like Jacob would give. He's so pure, bright and beautiful I can't let him down. Not more than I already am by ignoring his advances of our relationship.

I still have break downs over the _Cullens_ over _Edward_. I still miss them and wish Alice would at least reactivate her email address and say something, anything to me. Jake deserves someone's full attention, not half. He shouldn't share his lover with anyone else. Especially not a vampire family that doesn't give a shit.


	3. Chapter 3

The year ends in the same pattern things have been in for a while now. With the exception of Jacob's friend Embry going completely asshole and ditching him, Quil and well, me. Jake had told me about Sam Uley, the older guy on the res that saved me. Jake told me that Sam had gotten a little strange about a year ago and since then some other boys had followed his footsteps. Jake wasn't too surprised at Jared and Paul's decision to go dark since they're the right age and knew Sam but Embry took us all by surprise. Jacob and Quil are still torn up about it but were able to keep good spirits over the holidays.

Spending Christmas Day at our house with Jake and Billy felt so normal I could've burst with contentment. Presents (Jake's gift to me, a beautiful charm bracelet who's price I won't think about, with a hand carved, intricate, beautiful wooden tree charm attached, made my heart almost explode) good food filled the day and helped me and Jake keep our minds off our somber thoughts. This high carried us into the new year and it even helped soften the blow of school starting back up.

Even though my relationships with my friends at school had been at their best since I moved here I had been spending all my time with Jake and hadn't seen them much. They must've felt the same and we had all planned a movie night within a few weeks. I decided to invite Jake and Quil as well since it would be easier to see everyone more often if they were friends too. Angela, Jessica and I thought a shopping trip the Thursday before the movie would be a good idea since school would be out early. I even felt a slight bit of excitement at my upcoming plans.

After working out the date, time and plan for our night out we all headed home. Well they did, I went to see Jacob. We had both been getting used to being back at school for our last semester so I hadn't seen him in a couple of days and I missed him. I could feel it in my chest the pull to the res, to him. Now let's hope he's down for the movie.

I can tell he must be in the house since the garage light is off and head, as quickly as I can, in the misty rain to the front door, knocking before just letting myself in.

God I wish I was enough for him, because the way my heart skips a beat just at the sight of him at his kitchen table is a feeling I never want to stop.

He looks up as I walk in, his face splitting into my Jacob smile.

"Hey honey! Its been too damn long, I missed you. C'mere." He stands up and opens his arms to me, and no matter how fucked up it is I always go right to him and melt in his embrace.

I feel my body relax against him as my arms wrap around his neck and my feet leave the floor. Did I mention he's 6"5 now? And buff is an understatement at this point, but I still don't bring his muscles up to him.

"Hey Jake. I missed you too." I tell him almost shyly. "How's your school work?" I ask, genuinely interested but also looking for a non-awkward way to end our extended hug.

We both complain about our work-loads for a bit and then get our homework out the way. I bring up the movie as we plate leftovers of a meal I pre-made and froze for him and Billy.

"Do you and Quil have plans two Saturdays from now?" I ask him.

"I'm free and I'm sure that Quil is too but I'll have to double check. Why what's up?" He asks.

"Well my friends from school wanted to go to Port Angeles for dinner and a movie. I was hoping you guys would come too?" I ask and then realize my heart is in my throat waiting for his answer.

"A night with more pales face than just mine, sure why not." He agrees with a shrug of his shoulders and a smile.

"Great! And just let me know what Quil says." I tell him, feeling giddy inside that he's agreed.

Billy was staying overnight at the Makah reservation after he attended a funeral there, so I stay later than usual to keep Jake company. And fine, maybe there is a small ulterior motive of not wanting to be alone myself since Charlie is working the late shift.

After I fill Jake in on the details of our outing we sit down with popcorn and chocolate to watch a movie. His old but comfy couch is a decent size but we still end up sitting right next to each other, knee to knee, shoulder to shoulder. It feels so damn good that I can't even think about what a bitch move it is.

It's an action movie but its funny too and surprisingly neither of us fall asleep. I have to force myself to put on my shoes and coat when it's over, I know it's late and a school night but I could've sat there all night.

"Bells, it's late let me drive you home. I can come tomorrow and take you to and from school, then switch it up and hang out at your place?" He's almost pleading with me, had our time apart this week affected him like it affected me?

"Jake that's so much work for you." I weakly argue back, fully looking forward to seeing him so much tomorrow.

"It really isn't and not seeing you this week was shit, I think we deserve two days in a row to chill." He tells me with that look in his eyes, and the small smirk on his mouth, that could make you agree to anything he said.

And let's be honest I really didn't need to be coerced.

"Okay. Yes. Thanks Jake I really appreciate yo...it." I tell him.

The drive home is quiet, not awkward, it never is with us. Just content quiet. Jacob runs warm, I've worried over it but he promises me he isn't sick, and there's a deep chill in the air tonight so I find myself pressed against him for warmth. It's an easy drive and his right arm ends up around my shoulders. For the first time since Jake and I have gotten closer it takes my breath away how much I want this with him. And what keeps my next breath at bay is the shitty truth that I _can't_ give this to him. Or to myself. I know now that I do still have a heart but it's a broken mess, what's left in good shape bursts with love for him, Charlie, Renee and Billy. But those other shards, I can't see them becoming whole again and being capable of true love.

Jacob insists on waking me to the door since Charlie isn't home yet. His arm is around me again and I've never felt so warm.

"Thanks again Jake. I'll see you in the morning." I tell him as I wrap my arms around his middle and squeeze.

Jacob's arms automatically find me and wrap me up completely and I even feel him press a soft kiss to my hair.

I pull away before this gives him the wrong impression, but one look at his face and I can see it's too late for that.

"Always pulling away. Still pulling away. From me of all people. Bella you need to decide if I'm worthy of a chance or not." Jacob tells me in the angriest voice I've ever heard from him. Seeing as it's the first time also, it's not scary or anything but it still hit me straight in the heart.

Before I can even open my mouth he's at the drivers side door opening it with too much force and the next second all I see are my truck's taillights.

I'm frozen on my doorstep for several minutes trying to process what the hell just happened? Jake has every right to feel that way and to bring it up to me but in anger? And out of nowhere? The last time I saw him our usual touchy feely moments hadn't set him off.

I couldn't tell you how I ended up in my PJs, in bed. I can barely process thoughts right now, I'm just numb. I knew this day would come, I've been too selfish for too long. But I guess I thought there would be some sort of lead up to it or Jake would handle this like he does with most things in life, in his gentle way. I deserve this though, I know I do, I've pushed to the max level of my comfort zone with him knowing I couldn't take it further. My mind races a mile a minute until I pass out from exhaustion. Sleep as usual doesn't last but tonight my nightmare has gone back to the blood curdling screaming type of the first few weeks post Cullens. Yet, not one of them is in sight in my nightmare. Tonight, I let down Jacob, watch his face fall before turning into pure anger and in the next instant he's gone. I run, trip, crawl and cry my way through the forest in search of him until the screams wake Charlie who has to shake me out of my slumber and hold me until I calm.

"Thought these were past us Bells." Charlie says in a somber tone.

"Me too." I hiccup out.

My Dad holds me until my breathing evens, squeezes me tight and kisses my forehead before heading to his room, leaving both of our doors open. I must be too tired to think or dream and I sleep until just before my alarm. During my morning shower and all throughout breakfast my stomach is in knots wondering how awful the ride to school will be. I know Jake would never let me down, not even now, and since my truck wasn't left out front for me to use, his promise of getting me to and from school today still stands.

"Where's the truck Bells?" My dad asks, breaking me out of my anxious thoughts.

"J-jacob has it. He drove me home last night since it was late and is having dinner with us tonight so he offered to drop me off and pick me up today." I tell him, immediately regretting mentioning dinner. Just because he won't leave me without transportation does not mean he wants to sit down and eat a meal together.

"That sounds like Jake." He says with a smile. "I think spending time with him is good for you, seems to help." Charlie tells me, blushing slightly, we don't do the whole deep conversation thing.

Oh if he only knew how complex that statement was, even if its true.

"Yeah Dad, you're right." I say, leaving the rest of my drama to myself.

I've just placed our cereal bowls in the sink when there's a knock at the door, Jake's early. Despite everything that happened last night I still feel myself brighten slightly and the butterflies go crazy in my stomach at the thought of seeing him.

"Come on in!" Charlie yells from the bottom of the stairs. "I'm going to shower and get ready for work Bells. Hey Jake, good to see ya, thanks for taking care of my girl." My Dad says with a pat to Jake's shoulder.

"Good to see you too Charlie. And no need to thank me, I'll take any excuse to spend time with Bella." Jacob says.

One more grin from my Dad before he disappears into the bathroom. The click of the lock has barely sounded before we turn to each other.

"Jake -"

"Bells -"

We start talking at the same time and it's the ice breaker we needed.

"Jake please just let me get this out. I'm so sorry, I've felt like shit all night. You've been the best friend anyone could ever hope for, you always have been. And you saved me these past few months. I know I should've pulled back when you started to make your feelings clear but I was just so scared to lose you completely, I'm selfish, and I'll be honest I don't mind the way you've advanced our relationship. But the problem is I know deep down I'll never be able to reciprocate your feelings for me, not in the way you deserve. You deserve someone's whole heart and I don't have a whole one left." It all just came out like verbal diarrhea.

Jacob didn't take his eyes off of mine the entire time I spoke and once he knew I was done he just wrapped me up in his arms. I didn't realize how tense I was until I felt his whole body consume mine in his embrace and I almost went limp in his arms, all the stress leaving me.

"I'm sorry too Bells. I shouldn't have lost it with you like that. I don't know what's going on, I feel like I have no patience these days. I even snapped at my Dad. I guess it's just stress of school and working on the cars." Jacob tells me and I can see how tight his eyes are, so different from his usual carefree attitude. "But please don't tell me what I need or what I want. I may be young but I'm not a kid and I'm not immature. I want to be with you Bella, more than anything. I'm not saying it has to happen or that things even need to change between us right now or even soon, but please don't say no to the idea of us without even trying." Jake says full of emotion.

We pulled back from our hug when I started speaking but our hands haven't left each other's. I look down at them clasped together, pale white and russet brown. The stark contrast is amazing but also beautiful, even our skin tones suit each other. Maybe this could work? I've been depressingly honest with Jake from day one about how fucked up I am and he's still here and still wants me. Well, I don't know if it'll work but I won't say no to us, not yet.

"You're right Jake. I have no business telling you how you feel and I'm sorry for that. I just have to make sure you know what a mess I am, make sure you know what you're pursuing. And I can't make many promises right now, I just can't, but what I can promise is that I won't say no to us without trying. Let's just move forward and take on things as they come to us." I tell him, hoping it's enough.

It is. I can see the tension leave his shoulders immediately at my words and in turn that chases away the last feelings of numbness and anxiety that our fight instilled in me.

"Okay Bells. That sounds good to me." Jake says.

It's still pretty early so I decide to show Jake my cafe. It's not hidden in a secret hole in a tree or anything but it still feels special taking him there. It's a little haven of mine, I found it, I go there alone and enjoy myself. But I want to share it with him.

An early morning of coffee and pastries, well one for me and four for him, was just what the doctor ordered. It felt as though last night never happened but my promise to try this morning has stuck with us both.

I wasn't shocked that all my friends, except Mike, were really excited to meet my res friends. And I knew I would be answering to Angela tomorrow after I saw her face as I got into my truck with Jake after school. I had evaded them all this morning but Jessica, Mike, Eric and Angela all had front row seats to my carpool home.

The days leading up to the movie were blissfully normal. Jake and I went back to how things were pre-fight and so far we were okay.

Since today, Thursday, is a half day for some sort of teachers' conference we added lunch to our shopping plan since we decided that were both needed. The three of us girls were really excited, yes even me, for this weekend.

Even though Renee sent me an obnoxious amount of clothes at Christmas for all seasons, every time of day and every layer, I still made out well with help from the girls. Shopping still wasn't and would probably never be "my thing" but I was beginning to enjoy dressing up a bit more. Taking pride in myself.

It was overcast and drizzling, per usual, so it was dark earlier than it should've been and we definitely stayed in Port Angeles longer than we intended. As we walked back to Jessica's car, hers is the newest and biggest of our girl group, I realized how quiet the streets were and how dark it actually was. This immediately had me on edge for some reason and it didn't take long for me to figure out why.

About halfway to the car park on the same side of the road as us was a group of men. There were six of them, they looked to be in their mid thirties and it was easy to tell they had been drinking. I didn't judge them as trouble right away but when the cat calls, whistles and adult "compliments" started I knew they needed to be avoided.

"Do we go back to the shops for a while?" Angela whispered urgently.

"They're all almost closed and when we come back even later and these assholes are still here then what the fuck do we do?" Jessica whispers back. "Look, let's cross over to the other side of the street now and just ignore them. If they follow, I have pepper spray on my key chain." She adds while holding her keys tightly.

We've been huddled together since we left the last shop we were in but as Angela and Jessica turn to cross the street, they're quicker than I expect and I take another step forward instead of left, closer to the group of men. Six sets of eyes stay fixated on me and for a moment I can't make my feet move. This all happens in just a few seconds but it feels like a slow mo scene out of a movie.

The reason my feet won't move is because I heard a voice after the girls crossed without me. A velvet, soothing and familiar voice. " _Bella, stop_." I knew who's it was right away, of course I did. It was from my best dreams and worst nightmares. But how was it possible? Edward wasn't here, I could confirm that much. So how the actual fuck was I hearing his voice as if he was walking with us to the car?

Apparently, I'm an idiot dare devil all of a sudden so I take one more small step towards the men. " _Bella, please stop. Leave now."_ The voice warns again. I look around to see the girls staring at me wide eyed and motioning for me to come to them and then I look at the group of guys and see that they're just as shocked. It sinks in then, they're harmless, drunk friends just being asses. I think I scared them more by walking towards them than they scared us with their vulgar words. The voice in my head sees them for who they are as well and I can tell it won't come back tonight.

I make it over to Angela and Jessica in record time.

"Um what the fuck Bella?!" Jessica whisper yells at me as we power walk to the car.

"I-I'm sorry, I got nervous when I saw you two had crossed already." I lie to them.

"Sorry Bella that was just too scary." Angela apologizes.

"I'm sorry too Bella I was just so freaked out." Jessica says as she squeezes my arm.

I don't allow myself to think about what happened on the street during the ride home. I can feel myself losing it already but I can't make my friends think I'm crazier than they already do.

Thank god I get dropped off first. We all recovered as well as possible but no one was up for much chatter so it didn't look odd that I stared out the window at the trees the whole way to Forks.

I'd never been more grateful that Charlie was working. I make it up to my room in record time. I don't bother with lights or changing my clothes, I just flop onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. My thoughts are spinning around me as if I were on a merry-go-round and it takes me forever to be able to hold onto one long enough to actually process what the actual fuck happened tonight.

Well, I can confirm I'm officially crazy and also that was definitely Edward's voice. I'll never forget it, I've never wanted to. No matter how broken and destroyed he left me he was my first love and I want to remember him. And if I'm never enough for another person, I'll have to live in my memories of my one relationship.

My subconscious must've held onto Edwards request for me to not do reckless things more than my active thoughts ever had. I only ever truly thought of those words once, post zombie Bella. They drove me insane. I don't mean to trip over my own feet or air, and I've never done anything "reckless" by choice in my life. He deserts me in the forest after telling me he doesn't love me and then asks for a favor, and a stupid one at that. The insanity became anger, red hot anger very quickly. The anger felt good though, better than drowning in my sadness. Whenever his request crossed my mind the anger took over and it felt good, I know it was a normal reaction. In a non-magical relationship, me and my friends would've blasted Carrie Underwood and I would've ruined that stupid shiny Volvo for him breaking my heart. And in my half vampire relationship, sometimes letting my anger stop the burning pain of the whole left in my chest was the best equivalent I had.

Even though I didn't hold onto the words of Edward's parting request, the recesses of my mind seemed to have done the opposite. I can admit to myself that Edward was nowhere near me tonight, it was my brain, my own mind not trusting me to not be an idiot. My subconscious knew I'd stop for Edward, even after all this time. Pretty pathetic my own mind doesn't trust me. I would never intentionally hurt myself, I couldn't do that to Charlie or Jake and especially myself.

But I'll be honest, hearing his voice was like a drug. For a moment all the pain and sadness from these past few months disappeared. When that wore off though, the hole that was always there but hadn't burned or taken my breath away in a long time, felt like it was on fire.

I know I've gotten stronger, I don't feel as if the ground is swallowing me, taking me down and the hole in my chest has already calmed even though this craziness only happened hours ago. I also know I won't intentionally hurt myself or put myself in true danger to hear him again.

And one last fact came to me after hours of obsessing over hearing my vampire ex-boyfriend. I would balance on the line of danger and safety to try and hear him again, to confirm it's for that reason alone, that my mind is keeping me safe.

Yep just for the that one reason...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not my best but I had the end part of the chapter written separately and it got deleted, I tried everything to recover it but to no avail. So this is a rewrite.
> 
> I know our typical book Bella would have fallen into a deep depression for days or gone completely crazy, you know how she did in New Moon LOL. But in my mind giving her longer one on one time with Jake and no interruptions from Edward would help make her stronger.And I hate being sick and can't do it to Bella and honestly didn't she go through enough without having to have a virus? LOL

My mind must've been such a mess not even the nightmares could break through. I t slept until morning and laid there until Charlie went to work in the early afternoon. I'm lucky school was out today as well. The tears had come and lasted for hours, I could feel how puffy my face was and I'm sure my eyes were red. I couldn't face my father and so I had to lie and say I was sleeping in. I could z his shock and joy through my closed door.

When the coast was clear I went downstairs to have tea while I put cold cloths on my tender eyes until they went down in size. After that I had to keep busy. I actually enjoy cleaning, yeah yeah I'm weird. But from a young age I took over those responsibilities since Renee was not into any sort of cleaning. She was a great home maker and decorator just not a Molly maid. And over the years cleaning has become therapeutic to me, I feel like my mind clears while I focus on the task at hand.

Of course because of this, Charlie's house was always spotless. To give him credit that's how I found it when I got here. My dad likes things simple but he still has his trinkets, he still made the house feel lived in and it always felt like a home. So I deep cleaned. Couch pillow cases, winter coats and other odd items were washed first followed by every piece of laundry we both had. The oven and stove were next followed by the bathroom. I had to open the windows for a while, in winter, I used so much bleach. After starting dinner I worked on the baseboards and finished with sweeping, vacuuming and mopping. I made sure to shower, change and start less strange tasks before Charlie got home. I was sitting on the couch outlining my big essay for literature class when he came through the door.

"Hey Bells. Wow, this place is shining! Thanks for cleaning so uh much. How was your day off?" He asks me as he stands in the entryway of our living room.

"It was good and busy. Dinner will be ready soon." I tell him.

"Okay great. Is Jacob coming by?"

"Um no. Since we're going to the movie tomorrow he had to work on the cars in his garage tonight after school."

"Hard working one that boy, I admire that. I'm going to get changed before dinner." Charlie says and heads upstairs.

What I told him about Jacob was the truth, I just left out the part where he asked me to keep him company while he worked on the cars. Even before the events of last night I had told him I would leave him to it without distraction, so that was a blessing. After our fight I did not want to cancel plans because I heard Edward's voice in my head. I just didn't think that would go over well. And I really did want to try as much as I could for Jake so I had to work through this insanity on my own.

While we waited for dinner, I finished the outline for my essay and Charlie caught up on some sports game. As I was packing up I got a text from Angela saying her and Jessica got food poisoning from their breakfast that morning (they had invited me last night as they dropped me off but I made up some story about a lot of homework and declined) and wouldn't make the movie tomorrow. I felt awful for them and I was really disappointed too. Quil was never able to come since he was visiting his mom's family this weekend and Eric cancelled Wednesday because he got grounded when his mom found a cigarette in his room. Leaving me, Jake and Mike.

I think it's time to see if they want to reschedule.

I plate up our dinner and before I begin eating I text them both.

**Bella:** _Hey, the other girls are sick and can't come tomorrow. Should we just reschedule?_

They both respond almost immediately.

**Jake:** _Oh shit poor them. Nah I still want to go. How was your day? :)_

**Mike:** _Yeah Jessica just told me too. I still want to go. Meet at my store at 6?_

Okay well, we're not going to dinner anymore, no way in hell is that happening.

Again, I send them both the same message .

Bella: See you at Newton's at 7. We can just see the movie.

And then I message Jake again:

**Bella:** _My day was better than school but still boring. Worked on the cars?_

**Jake:** _Yep, they're done. I miss you, can't wait for tomorrow. ;) I'll be at your place by 6:30._

**Bella:** _Missed you too Jake. See you then._

**Jake:** _Dream of me Bells ;)_

God how he affects me, am I really blushing from that text? I wish it was that simple and I could just dream of him. But I know my busy day would not equate well with my quiet, lonely night.

After filling and turning on the dishwasher I decide to sit with Charlie for a bit. We watch old reruns of comedy sitcoms and it actually helps me. We laugh and talk and two hours flies by. It gives me the smallest ray of hope for, a not totally awful night of sleep.

I pick out an outfit for tomorrow before going bed to kill just a little more time. I want to look good for Jake, I notice when his eyes look over me from head to toe and like the gluttonous selfish person I am, I love it. But at the same time I do no want to send any welcoming (in that way)vibes to Mike. He's such a nice person and a good friend but even in a world with no Edward or Jacob he's just not my type. And I also see how he looks at me in an attempt at the same way Jake does and it makes me uncomfortable.

I settle on, freshly washed, Renee choices. Stepping outside of my comfort zone, I go with dark wash skinny jeans, that I guess are high waisted? since my old jeans didn't come up past my belly button and just holding these up to myself I can see this pair will. Next I choose a fitted but warm, black, cable knit turtle neck sweater and -fine I'll use the word- cute leather ankle booties. Baby steps here. Last, I made sure in my cleaning buzz of today to include my new parka, also from my mom. I was worried it wouldn't hold up to Forks weather but even though it's ten times more fashionable than my last one it's also practical. My mom really is a good shopper.

Out of excuses to not go and lie down and starting to feel sleepy I drag myself to my bed and try to sleep. It claims me quickly and I think I make it longer than usual before a mini nightmare wakes me with a jolt. I can't even remember what it was about and fall back to sleep again and even snooze my alarm. Maybe I finally am starting to get better.

Charlie is off today so him and Billy made plans to keep each other company in their kids' absence this evening. I'm glad they have each other, their friendship is one I envy. Jake and I are the best of friends but the "more" aspect to it obviously changes it from being like our dads'.

I make Charlie and I a big brunch meal since we both had lazy mornings. After working a bit more on my essay I start to get ready. After I showered, fixed my hair and added my minimal make up I get dressed. And wow, I see why girls like high waisted jeans. I'm not one to compliment myself but I know I have a good ass, especially for a pale face as Jake calls me. But in these jeans holy shit, I have to give myself a nod of approval. Once I'm fully dressed I can honestly say I look good, maybe too good for the Mike side of my plan but I'm preeety sure Jake will appreciate this outfit.

I get to the kitchen to see Charlie packing up some beer along with the chili and cornbread I made for him Billy and just then there's a knock at the door. My heart rate picks up as do the speed of the butterflies in my stomach as I walk to the door.

In about 3.2 seconds my theory on Jake's opinion of my outfit is confirmed. He's his usually sunny self, huge smile on his face but as he went to open his mouth to speak his jaw just stayed agape with no words escaping. His eyes also widened at the same time. I had to stifle a laugh. Jacob opened and closed his mouth a couple of times and blinked even more before finally composing himself.

"Wow, woah Bella, you look amazing." Jake says as he continues to stare at me not blinking.

I finally take my turn to soak in his appearance and I wouldn't be surprised if my face matched his. Jacob could wear tube socks with sandals, a cheesy tourist shirt plus Dad jeans and still look like a model. So dressed in a deep maroon colored long sleeved shirt, black jeans, leather jacket and combat boots, he could make a girl literally swoon.

"Thanks. So do you Jake." I tell him and I know I'm blushing.

I turn to head back to the kitchen so Jake and Charlie can say hi and I can make sure my Dad packed everything he needs. As I'm walking away from the door, I hear it close and right after that I hear a sharp intake of breath followed by a cough from Jake. I'm about to ask him if he's alright but as I turn I can see his gaze rising from my behind and can't but smile. I still check on him but without worry, now that I know my new jeans are the reason behind his little fit.

"Jake! What happened? Are you alright?" I ask, barely holding back my laughter.

"Huh? Yeah of course I'm fine. New jeans?" He recovers quickly and teases me right back.

"I think so, why do they look okay or should I change?" Two can play that game Mr. Black.

"No, no definitely don't change, they suit you." Jake replies into my ear from where he is standing so close I can feel his body heat against my back.

Jacob over takes me to the kitchen and I hear him and Charlie exchange greetings as I catch myself before joining them.

"So who's driving to Port Angeles?" My dad asks.

"We decided to take the Rabbit. Mike doesn't have his own car and his parents don't want he work van going all that way." I explain.

"Sounds like a good plan. Call me if you need anything and have fun." Charlie replies as he starts grabbing the food and drink.

"Here Charlie, let me help." Jake says as he grabs almost everything in his arms.

"Thanks Jake..." My Dad looks at my best friend in awe and maybe confusion at the amount he's carried outside in one go. "See you later Bells." He tells me as he gives me a hug.

"Bye Dad, tell Billy I said hello." I say.

I start tidying up any mess Charlie left behind when Jacob comes back into the kitchen. I have to force myself to look at the counter and not his chest, especially at how his shirt curves over every muscle.

Jake had been helping Billy and was later getting to mine than he had planned to be so we had to head out right after Charlie to make time. This was for the best since there was something different between us tonight, something I don't know if I'm ready for.

I hate being sick but sitting in the passenger seat of Jake's car with Mike leaning forward (and towards me) from the back seat practically the whole way to Port Angeles is making me wish I had gone to breakfast with Angela and Jessica. Other than the leaning from Mike which made Jake change lanes or turn to the left harshly and slam brakes unnecessarily (after a few times of losing his balance Mike just sat back against his seat) the ride was just long but at least not quiet. The boys talk sports and cars all the way there, that was the only up-side.

As we were parking and on the walk to the theater, I noticed Mike slow his pace and stop talking. I left it alone until after we got our tickets and were in the line for snacks.

"Mike are you okay?"

"Huh? Uh yeah Bella, just not a good back seat driver." He tells me looking paler than usual. Well no matter how much Jake will hate it I'll take the backseat on the way home, Mike can't be getting car sick.

Jacob sneakily got both us our drinks and snacks while Mike just grabbed a soda before we head in and pick our seats.

The movie is fine, some zombie thriller that usually is one of my favorite "end of world scenarios", but tonight with Jake leaning against me on my left and Mike trying to be close to me on my right, I keep hoping a zombie will jump out of the screen and bite me. My wish is partially granted when half way through Mike gets up suddenly and rushes out of the theater.

We wait a couple of minutes before following and I force Jake to check on him in the bathroom.

"The marshmallow says he's fine in between throwing up. He'll be in there a while." Jacob reports with a chuckle.

"Jake it's not funny, that sucks for him." I admonish him but only slightly.

"Whatever you say Bells. Want to go back in or wait here so we can leave when he's ready?" He asks.

"Let's wait, he'll want to go as soon as he can." I say as I lead Jacob to a row of chairs near the entrance.

As we sit down in our usual comfortable silence I message Angela.

**Bella:** _Feeling any better? Mike must have a bug or something, made it to the movies for him to be sick too_

**Angela:** _Yeah I am a little bit, thanks for checking in :) he doesn't have a bug, he was at breakfast too. I just assumed he wouldn't be going tonight either..._

.fuck? Have I been throwing myself at him and not even realizing it? Why on earth would he come tonight, sick and with Jacob still coming along? Great, once he's better I would have the joy of the awkward "Jesus Mike I'm not interested in you" talk. Maybe I'll be nicer when he time comes, we'll have to see.

"Jake look what Angela just told me." I say to him as I hand him my phone.

His eyes scan the screen and he starts laughing as he hands it back to me.

"Wow what a freak. How desperate is he? You drive people crazy without even trying to Bells." Jake says.

"Well I don't want to! I've never looked at or thought of Mike like that, just ugh no!" I respond as I hang my head in my hands in frustration. Couldn't I have one nice normal weekend?

"Bells it's okay, at least you know now that he's crushing bad, real bad, so you can deal with it." Jacob tells me as he wraps his arm around my shoulder, instantly comforting me.

I melt into his embrace and let out a sigh at his words, he's right this will all stop soon, that's the silver lining.

"Thanks Jake, you're right." I say as I look up at him.

Jacob is smiling at me and looking right into my eyes. It feels like he can see inside my head, it's so intense I would've had to look away regardless but when I see his gaze switch from my eyes to my lips I drop mine back to my hands immediately. I'm not ready for this.

The frustrated and deflated sigh that escapes him as he rips his arm from around me and stands up, breaks away another piece of my shattered heart.

"Do you see another Mike when you look at me Bella? Am I just not getting the hint or do you only want me in a way that's good for you, without even thinking about what I want?" Jacob asks me through gritted teeth.

I only have time to stand up and place my hands on his chest (which feels as if it's vibrating, thank God that stops almost immediately after I touch him) before the marshmallow in question appears from the bathroom.

"Um I'm really sorry about that..." Mike embarrassingly apologizes.

"Don't be sorry for being sick." I tell him.

"Can you make it back to Forks without decorating my car with your breakfast?" Jacob asks harshly.

"I think so. I'll try to sleep on the way back, that should help." Mike replies meekly as he heads out of the theater ahead of us.

Jacob grabs a large popcorn bucket before following him with me in tow.

Mike is able to fall asleep after asking us to drop him at home instead of the store. I keep trying to think of what to say to Jacob but between the combination of Mike being right behind us and the sinking feeling in my gut from Jake's words and hurt expression earlier, nothing comes out.

The drive back was over in what felt like the blink of an eye and with no more visits to Europe on Mike's behalf. He had woken-up as we entered Forks and mumbled out a "thanks" and a "night" as he got out of the Rabbit once we reached his house, popcorn bucket still in hand.

And even though it's back to being just the two of us, I can't get any words out until we're parked in front of my house sitting in silence.

"Jake I'm sorry. I don't look at you like I do Mike, not at all. I just froze, I'm not ready yet."

"Don't be sorry for your feelings. It's just hard for me and even harder recently because I am ready and I have been for a while."

"I don't want to hurt you Jake and I do want to try harder."

"I know Bells. Look, it's late you should get inside and I need to get home."

"Oh okay yeah. Um, so will I see you tomorrow?"

"I think I need a day alone, this is all really getting to me and I hate getting angry period but especially at you."

The hole in my chest, the Jacob hole that formed the last time, the first time, we fought rips open. I have to fight the urge to wrap my arm around myself, hold in the tears and force my voice to not crack.

"Okay."

"How about you come over after school on Monday?"

"Sure. Night Jacob." I say and don't wait for his response.

Robot Bella must be back because I make it from the car and inside my house without tripping once.

"Hey Bells! Have a good night?" Charlie asks from the living room.

"Yeah Dad. Really tired though, night." I manage out before the tears start to fall.

For hours I try to catch my breath between my sobs and the gaping burning hole in my chest. Obviously, I should have anticipated this and I had to stop taking our good days for granted. Those days weren't great for Jacob, they were times he had to hold back saying and doing things that came naturally to him. I know I'm a mess but I was also honest with him, why can't he do the same with me? If he's fed up I understand, he deserves so much better than me and what I might be able to give him. But I wish he would talk to me, I would do anything I can do make him happier. Even if that means putting distance between us..

God that thought ripped open the hole to the point that I had to hold myself together.

My mind was such a mess that not even the nightmares wanted in and once my new usual of, thinking and crying until exhaustion kicked-in, I slept until lunch. This was rare for normal Bella and non-existent for new depressed Bella but I welcomed the sleeping-in because I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and no way to keep my mind busy. Charlie had been putting in overtime recently due to the fatal attacks in the neighboring town, heling them and preparing us incase the terror came to Forks. Bitch Bella was glad to have the house to herself and not have to fake being okay all day and night for Charlie.

I drag myself out of bed and have tea while putting a cold cloth on my eyes, I can feel how red and puffy they are without needing a mirror's confirmation.

After a couple of hours of zombie Bella appearing in the house I force myself out the door, I had to slap some life into my face before Charlie got home. I can't worry him again.

I drive aimlessly all around Forks and the border of the town but never to or near the reservation. If Jacob needed space I would give it to him. No matter how much pain I was in or how my whole body felt like it was on a rope being pulled to La Push.

I ended up having to fill my tank because I drove in circles for so long. As I was pumping the gas I decided it was time to put on my "I'm fine" mask and go home. Especially seeing as I only left a note telling Charlie "I was popping out and didn't have my phone since it was dead" (it wasn't, I was just avoiding Jake on the off chance he called) I had to be home at a decent hour. I took the residential route though since it's longer through the neighborhood and I wanted to kill more time before facing my Dad.

A "Yard Sale" sign makes me slow down to look at what was left for sale but the motorcycles I spot have me parking the truck. Two thoughts come to my mind almost at once, but one wins the race. Jake could really use these. Even if they don't end up working or if they cost more to fix than they're worth it's still a good learning experience and practice for him seeing as, surprisingly, we get a lot of motorcyclists in the area. The next thought is that if he does fix them, maybe he can teach me to ride before selling them and I don't think in any lifetime Edward would approve of bikes. I'm so selfish it makes me momentarily nauseous.

The mom of the house answers the door and is so happy someone is interested in the bikes that she invites me in to tell me their history. They're less than five years old and have been collecting dust and taking up room in her garage for just over a year. She's not sure what shape they're in, they worked fine until her sons got bored and parked them in the garage and she just wants them gone that's why they're free. I tell her a little about Jake and his goal of owning a garage and she's happy for him to be getting them and says he's lucky to have me as a friend. Pfft yeah right, more like poor sixteen year old boy stuck with the brunette burden. I just about resist saying this and smile at her instead.

One of her sons loads both bikes into the bed of my truck and I'm suddenly more grateful than I ever thought possible for the once, deemed (by me), pointless tarp that had been sitting there since I got the beast. Now let's just hope Jake likes the death traps.

Dinner is easier than I thought, it's nice having company and knowing I'll see Jake in less than 24 hours has me calming down some.

I go upstairs pretty early to make sure I did all my homework since I never had the time or bothered to look at anything yesterday or earlier today. As I'm gathering my books and papers I look at my phone and check that first.

Shit, tons of missed calls and texts, mostly from Jake and something from

Mike, ugh. Let's deal with the marshmallow first.

_**Messages:**_ Mike (1)

**Mike:** _Hi Bella. I just wanted to say I'm sorry again about last night, I shouldn't have come...it's just... I really wanted to hang out with you is all. It was stupid though. Anyway, thank Jacob again for the rides and I'll see you tomorrow._

My hopes that he would see I was the epitome of not interested and we could move on from this were squashed with that one message. First thing tomorrow we would get the awkward conversation over and done with so I don't bother replying.

_**Missed calls:**_ Jake (3)

_**Voicemail:**_ (1)

_**Messages:**_ (5)

Holy shit what the hell is wrong with me? I hurt him last night and today. I know he asked for space but I should've looked at my phone once, but I just didn't think he would want to talk. I did message him last night, apologizing again and telling him I would see him Monday, thankfully it was short and I was able to keep my emotions out of it.

I read his messages first. There's one from last night in response to mine.

**Jake:** _Bells, I told you, don't be sorry for your feelings that's not fair to you. I don't want space from you but I need it. I keep getting angry and impatient so quickly and easily these days and I do not want to lose my temper at you. I think I just need to clear my head for a day is all. I'm sorry about tonight. I can't wait to see you Monday._

I should just run away and let Jake find someone worthy of him. He's apologizing to me after I hurt him AND explaining himself. Edward was never the real monster, I am. But, unlike Edward, I won't leave Jacob. I know it really doesn't help.

I read the remaining messages, all from today.

**Jake:** _Morning Bells. Just wanted to check-in and make sure you're okay. Message or call me when you can._

**Jake:** _Tried calling you...twice, no answer and you haven't messaged back. Look Bella, I'm sorry again about last night, so sorry. Let me know you're okay, that's all, please_.

**Jake:** _Come over, even just to sit and be pissed at me. Don't shut me out, I'm worried._

**Jake:** _I was about to come to your house since you haven't answered your cell or home phone but my Dad was taking to yours and never mentioned you so I know nothings wrong. I just messed up. Again. Fuck. What can I do to fix this? Please._

Hurting him is putting me in more pain than both of our fights combined, all I want to do is comfort him. But before calling him I listen to the voicemail just in case this is the last straw and he's asking me to leave him alone. My heart is in my throat waiting to hear the message.

" _Bells, it's me. I've been trying to talk to you all day. I just want to know you're okay and that we're okay. I'm sorry honey I don't know why I keep snapping at you, at everyone, I hate it. I'll do anything just talk to me please."_ His voice breaks at the end and takes more of me with it.

I dial his number and he answers in record time.

"Bella!" Jacob answers sounding broken and relieved at once.

"Jake, I'm so so so sorry please let me explain." I say and don't pause to give him any chance to disagree. "I'm fine and we're fine, I promise. I was just an idiot and didn't look at my phone once today. Please forgive me, I never meant to hurt you or make you worry. I actually got you a present. I can bring it tomorrow, if you still want me to come over after school?" I ask, my heart still hanging out around my esophagus, beyond nervous for his response.

"I'm just happy to hear your voice. There's nothing to forgive, you gave me the space I asked for, I guess I just never needed it. I'm sorry I'm all over the place Bella, I don't know what's going on with me. But yes of course I want you to come over, present or not. Even though I do like presents." He says and I can hear the slightest Jacob smile in his voice.

"I'll be there then. And we can talk, if you want, about how you've been feeling." I tell him, hoping he will take me up on my offer since I've been worried about him for weeks, he's been stressed out and not like himself for no apparent reason. I hope this isn't my fault too, I'd never forgive myself for ruining a pure heart like Jake's.

"Yeah I think we should, it might help. I can't wait for tomorrow. Night Bells."

"Good night Jake." And with that we hang-up.

I feel like I can almost breathe again after starting to mend things with Jake. My slight relief paired with my excitement of showing him the bikes, allows me to sleep until the sound of my alarm wakes me.

From the minute I woke-up I had tunnel vision to this afternoon and seeing Jake. The only detour I made was before first period when I talked to Mike. When I got to school I spotted my friends chatting around Jessica's car and after saying my good mornings and checking on how the girls were feeling today, I asked Mike if we could talk, alone. We walked to the side of the school, near the tree line before I began the most awkward conversation of my life.

"Mike, I'm sorry to do this now but there will never be a good time to say this and after Saturday night I need to get it over with. I don't look at you in the same way you look at me. You're a great friend and an amazing person. I'm happy, really I am, to have you in my life but as a friend. Nothing more." I tell him and watch his face fall. Well shit, this sucks.

"Is it because of Jacob?" He asks more to his shoes than to me.

"Yes and no. Even though Jacob and I aren't in a relationship we do care about each other. But even if Jacob didn't exist I wouldn't be interested in more than friendship. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it's just how you feel. But it sucks for me is all. I won't make things tense with our friends but I need some time to get past this, please."

"Whatever you need, just tell me."

He looked me in the eye, his own glassy with tears, before giving me a sad smile and walking away.

Thank God the rest of my day is dull and ordinary and flies by.

On the drive to the reservation all I do is hope that Jake likes the bikes. And there's also a small part of me, the part of me I hate, praying he can make them work so I can ride one.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to indirectly mention my other favorite fandom in this chapter. If you can't guess which one, just see what category my other story is in. Hehee.
> 
> Onto chapter 5!

I park my truck closer to Jake's garage than usual, I think I've been pretty lucky that no one was suspicious of the tarp or saw the bikes some other way so let's not blow it at the finish line.

I turn off the ignition and before I even had time to turn towards my door it flies open and I'm pulled out into warm arms.

"Bella." Jake breathes my name like it's his first taste of air in days. And I feel us both simultaneously relax in each other's arms. How the hell can you miss someone this much in one day?

"Hey Jake. Missed you." I know it was mean to say it, even though it was completely true, since anything like that can get his hopes up. But it was like I had no control over my mind, the words just had to be said.

"Not as much as I missed you." Jake whispers in my ear. His voice and hot breath send chills down my spine all the way to my toes. I quickly change the subject as I gently pull out of his embrace.

"Now before we get into trouble from Billy, close your eyes and come with me." I order.

He complies quickly and quietly, a huge grin on his face. I take extra care maneuvering us both to the bed of the truck and we make it one piece.

"Ta-da!" I say as I rip away the tarp.

Jake looks over the bikes, his eyes widening in surprise and excitement.

"Scrap metal, aww Bella you shouldn't have." He teases causing me to roll my eyes.

I tell him all the information I know about the bikes as he runs his hands and eyes over them.

"I don't know what to say Bells. These are awesome, like you said if they run in the end or not I needed to get used to motorcycles. Thank you. And hey, maybe we can ride them a bit if they do work." He tells me before crushing me to his chest. I'm glad he can't see my face and that my mouth is muffled by the embrace so my nod doesn't seem strange.

"Let's get them into the garage before your Dad sees." I say.

Jacob then proceeds to pick one of the bikes up in his hands as if it were a kid's tricycle instead of a two hundred pound motorbike and places it down in the garage.

"Woah, be careful Jake!"

"I'm cool Bells, don't worry." He chuckles.

Jacob repeats this process with the second bike and immediately starts tinkering away at one. Still not mentioning his new muscles, nope nope nope.

After a while of companionable silence, I ask if he wants to talk about how he's been feeling lately and it's like I opened the flood gates.

Jacob talks for almost half an hour with little input needed from me. I'm glad he didn't look for me to say much right now because I'm pissed. The root of all this stress and anger is the one and only Sam Uley. Jake said he keeps seeing Sam practicality everywhere he goes but they never speak, the older man just stares and it's making Jake feel like he's waiting for him. To do or say what he has no clue. By the end of his vent, Jacob looked and sounded like the young boy he is rather than the grown up that we all treat him as.

"It's scaring me Bella. I don't know what the fuck he could want from me and my Dad has nothing to say about all this. I don't know what to do." The look on Jacob's face when he says this breaks my heart and has my temper boiling at once.

"It might be hard or even impossible but avoid him at all costs. And if you can't, then just ignore him, pretend he's invisible. Do you want me to do anything? I hate seeing you like this Jake it's killing me to see you so worried and scared."

"Being here, listening, looking out for me with no judgement is enough. Tough being a guy and feeling like this. If I didn't have you, I don't know, I just feel like I wouldn't be able to handle this shit. I mean I'm not doing it well but at least I haven't completely fallen apart."

"I won't ever let you fall apart, I promise Jake." I tell him and I hope he can feel how serious I am.

He looks at me and smiles before turning his attention back to the bikes.

Over the next almost month I learned the key to keeping life for Jake himself and also between Jake and I simple is having a distraction and a routine. We work almost every day on the bikes. It didn't take long for Jake to realize there was nothing seriously wrong with them (they needed servicing and new batteries) and it wouldn't break the bank to fix them. Much to his dismay I put my foot down and insisted on buying the very minimal parts. I just wanted to show him how proud I am of him and how much I believe in his dream of owning his own business.

Even though the majority of our time was taken up with the bikes we didn't sit in the garage everyday, it was nice just watching TV, going for walks on the beach and doing our homework together too. This routine made it easy to keep things light and breezy between us and even easier to keep Jacob away from Sam. He still got tense and stressed easily but the less Jake saw Sam the less he lost his patience. It was also a good time for us to catch up with Quil seeing as Embry never came around to spend time with us again it was just us three.

One Friday night Jacob and I were hanging out in the garage, me reading a new book that I had ordered online and Jake tinkering away at the bikes. I thought we had come out here just to spend some time together since we were all going over to the Clearwater's later for our usual fish fry dinner with them.

We started periodically having dinner with them a couple of months ago and the first time I was so nervous I almost feigned illness and stayed home. However, after two minutes of being in their house I felt like I was a part of their family. Harry is a true spitfire with a wicked sense of humor but is also a papa bear and takes care of those he loves. Sue is warm, gentle and kind and it's easy to tell their youngest child, Seth, takes after her. It's also easy to see he will be almost as tall and handsome as Jacob when he's older. Leah, their eldest, is a mix of both parents but is more like Harry. Well, that's what Jake told me, she had her heart broken by none other than the infamous Sam fucking Uley several months ago and hasn't been herself since. I finally saw a glimpse of the Leah they all miss after spending several evenings at their house and I don't know if it's the mutual heartbreak or what but we just got each other and I feel lucky to call her my friend now.

The sound of Jacob's voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

"So are you free for our usual hang out this weekend?" He asks with a twinkle in his eyes.

I play along. "I'll have to check my schedule and get back to you. What should I pencil you in for?"

"How about riding lessons on Sunday?"

The smaller part of me, the part I still hate, wants to launch my body towards the bike and beg Jake for a lesson now, right now! Who cares that it's dark and raining? Not this psycho. Thankfully, the other part of me is bigger and stronger these days and throws crazy back in her cage before replying.

"They're ready Jake? That's awesome!"

"After a couple more checks and a test drive they will be but I can do those tomorrow. Leaving us Sunday to ride them."

"We don't have to rush, we can ride them another day, you've been working non-stop."

"Actually, we cant. Word travels fast in small towns and there's four people interested in the bikes already, two are coming Monday after school to see them." He beams.

It surprises me how I'm barely disappointed at hearing this. Don't get me wrong, I want to test out my Edward theory and long to hear his perfect voice...in my mind. But I can't become addicted to this vicious cycle of, teetering the edge of safety just to hear my long gone ex-boyfriend's voice, feel guilty and stop for a bit before looking for my next daredevil move. It's not fair to me, my life, my family nor my friends. It seriously has me on the verge of telling Jacob to forget the lessons, Miss Clumsy herself really didn't need to sit on anything with only two wheels anyway.

Instead I say, "Wow Jake that's impressive, congratulations. And Sunday sounds good for lessons."

I swear the remainder of Friday and Saturday are gone in the blink of an eye. Before I know it, and am probably ready for it, I'm watching Jacob test drive both bikes on a deserted road in La Push, diligently checking for any errors.

"Well, I wasn't too worried anyway but it feels good to know they both ride like a dream." Jacob says, with a well deserved proud smile on his face, as he parks one of the bikes next to where I'm leaning against my truck.

"Not that you need the ego boost but you really kicked ass fixing these bikes and finding sellers so quick." I tease, yet it's still the truth.

His warm laugh in response makes me feel butterflies and about fifty other dormant feelings inside.

"Why thank you Miss Swan. Now, are you ready to try out one of these bad boys?" Jake asks.

" _Say no. Please."_ Edward's melodic voice begs me.

Even though I knew this was more than likely going to happen I still froze at the sound of his voice. And I couldn't tell you what expression was on my face in that moment but that, combined with my too long pause had Jake backtracking.

"We don't have to Bells, I'm sorry if I made you feel pressured just because we only have today. I thought you might have fun is all and I'll be riding on the bike with you until you're comfortable." He rambles.

"Jake don't be sorry, you never pressure me. I just got a little nervous thinking about it is all. I definitely want to try." I tell him and muster up my best smile.

"Cool! Put on this helmet then you hop on first and I'll kick start it before getting on too."

As I put one leg over the bike I hear him again.

" _Bella, please don't do this."_ Edward pleads. I close my eyes and savor the sound of him so close and blink away a couple of tears.

"Alright Bells let's do this!" Jake says cheerily as he climbs on right behind me.

Even though Edward never even tried to tolerate Jacob he must've known no harm would come to me with Jake around. Even when we started to speed up and took some corners wide and low Edward didn't try to dissuade me again.

And I actually had too much fun to even dwell on my sadness. I had to kick this addiction in the ass before it got out of control. Knowing me, I would come into accidental danger all on my own without any effort, you know like when Victoria finally puts her claws into me.

I always try to push away any waking thoughts of the firey haired vampire from mind since she lives in my nightmares almost nightly. And this is the opposite of a good time to think about Victoria's ever looming threat. All this means that I will hear him again probably all throughout my ungraceful life. So, right here right now I had to keep trying to move on, to be happy, to be more for me and for Jacob.

I never felt comfortable enough for Jacob to get off the back so we ride the bike together for almost two hours. It was exhilarating and if Jake buys his own one day, like he was telling me repeatedly, I would be excited to learn to ride on my own. I help him clean them both up before we head back inside to hang out for a bit and I also need to check to see how low the stash of my pre-made meals for them is getting.

As I'm heading towards the door to go home Billy calls my name.

"Bella, tell your old man tomorrow night is good for you two to come over for dinner. And we're ordering pizza, no if's ands or but's. You don't have to cook for us all every night." He tells me with a warm smile on his face.

I chuckle before responding. "Thanks Billy, I'll tell him. And that sounds good for tomorrow but don't worry about me, I like taking care of you guys. See you tomorrow." I tell him.

"And everyone, except our waistlines, loves that you do it so well. Bye Bella, drive safe." Billy says.

Jacob walks me out to my truck and once we're at my door I say with a smile. "Hopefully the next time I see you you're no longer the owner of two motorcycles."

"Fingers crossed it goes well. Look, I know I've said it like a million times already but thank you Bells. When these bikes sell it'll be the perfect start for the garage and also for...I mean I just can't tell you enough how amazing you are. And once they're sold we're going to dinner, away from Forks and the Res. Just us." He promises without finishing his previous thought, I would have to push him on that later. And I gloss over the fact he's pretty much asked me on a date, I need to deal with that alone first.

"That sounds perfect to me. Now go study and I'll see you tomorrow."

Jacob laughs before giving me one of his usual, and perfect, bone crushing, air stealing hugs.

"Yeah yeah I will. Drive safe Bells." He copies his Dad's request.

When I get home, Charlie is coming down the stairs meaning he hasn't been here much before me. He's still putting in crazy overtime and I'm about to tell him needs a break if he doesn't slow down soon.

"Hey Bells! Have a good day?"

"Yeah really nice. Billy says tomorrow is good for dinner and that we're having pizza."

"Great! We have something to tell you and Jake at dinner."

"Are you two getting married?" I tease.

"What! No! But if I'm still single at fifty I might think about it. Could do a lot worse than Billy." My Dad only half teases back, he is right, they're both catches. "Nothing major and nothing bad. You'll find out tomorrow. Now, I'll go heat up some leftovers for us." He says as he walks past me, squeezing my shoulder.

Ugh the curiosity is going to drive me nuts! Well, never thought I'd say this but, thank god for math homework. At least I'll have something after dinner to kept my mind busy.

Calculus was a mediocre distraction from the anticipation of Jacob hopefully selling the bikes and the waiting game of whatever our Dads we're hiding, but I made it to bed without chewing off every nail I have.

Unfortunately, no matter how short, my thoughts on Victoria earlier stuck with me and she came to wake me from my sleep tonight.

I have to believe that at least Carlisle and Alice would warn me if Victoria indeed decides to come after me or them but in my dreams that's never the case. I'm alone and helpless, just a lame human. Her torture is always worse than that of her mate James and ends the same way every time, me seeing my own lifeless body drained of blood. And cue me jolting out of sleep panting for breath.

I haven't had a nightmare this vivid in ages. They still come regularly but I only see flashes of color, red and white and I just feel this sense of dread before waking-up. I'm sure this change is simply from my wandering mind earlier today, right?

For a Monday the day isn't bad and I even make weekend plans. Angela surprises me at lunch with the invite.

"Bella I was hoping you would come over Friday after school for dinner? Jessica is coming too. My parents are going to Port Angeles for a date night and I'd love the company while I babysit my brother." Angela asks almost timidly. Maybe I'm not the only introvert here.

"That sounds great Ang, thanks for inviting me. And thank you for still including me after...everything. I really appreciate it."

"You don't need to thank me Bella. I, we I mean, all honestly want to include you, be there for you. You're our friend and that's what friends do."

And I believe every word. I don't feel the need to make myself feel worthy of her friendship or force myself to not doubt her sentiments. This is real friendship, nothing like what I had with the Cullen's. I always felt just less than them, like I was late to the party and never fitting in. It was better with Edward and Alice, that's why I think I still miss her, she did want to be my friend. I stop my mind there, I wasn't sad thinking of them but that could change at any moment.

"You're a good friend Angela. And I'm excited for Friday." I tell her honestly.

Finally, the day is over and I'm on my way to the Black's. Charlie was off today but popped into the station before dinner just to check on everything quickly so he would drive the cruiser.

As I pull into their yard Jacob is helping a man in his probably late forties put one of the bikes into the bed of his much newer and bigger (than mine) truck. I guess feigning needing assistance to carry the motorcycle was a better bet than scaring away a potential buyer with Jake's new kinda crazy strength. One down for sure, I wonder if the other sold already? I couldn't wait to ask Jake after this gentleman left.

I make it to them just as they've secured the bike in the truck and I'm thankful, as always, for Jacob's bright and outgoing personality. Introducing myself to a stranger is not on my list of "things I do with ease."

"Bella hi! Mason, this is my best friend Bella, she started this motorcycle flipping project for me." He tells the man, his face beaming.

"Well then I have to thank you too Miss Bella! And it's nice to meet you." Mason says as he shakes my hand. "I've been chomping at the bit to get back on one of these beauties after mine up and croaked on me last month." He tells me while eyeing up the bike.

"It's nice to meet you as well Mason. And you're more than welcome, I'm glad someone will make good use of the bike." I say.

We all, yes even me, share a couple of minutes of small talk before waving Mason off with his new purchase.

"Well I know one bike sold, what about the other?" I ask Jacob.

"Sold it an hour ago for almost the full asking price and Mason did pay the full amount I was looking for." Jacob tells me and then hugs me before spinning me in the air. "All because of you, thank you Bells!"

I can't help but smile and laugh, his excitement and happiness is contagious. And in that moment I realize, his happiness is more important than my own, seeing him beaming like this has me feeling brighter than I think I've ever felt. I promise myself right then to make Jacob happy every chance I got.

My Dad arrives not long after with the pizzas and we all sit down and dig in. Thankfully, our fathers put us out of our misery as soon as everyone has a slice.

"Okay kids, I know you were wondering why we decided to have dinner tonight. It's nothing that major but still exciting and we need you both to be extra responsible if this is to work out. Billy and I may have a share in a cabin up in Lake Cushman. Buddy of mine at work just remodeled his cabin there and whoever he was sharing ownership with pulled out so Billy and I are heading there Friday to see if we want in on it." My Dad explains.

"Meaning you two are on your own this weekend. We're driving up on Friday afternoon and will be back by Monday lunchtime. Now, we've decided it's up to you if you want stay over at either house together just no funny business." Billy says.

"Dad!" Jacob interrupts.

"What? I'm a dad I get to say those types of things. Anyway, if this works out it'll be great for fishing and weekends trips. We trust you two to make this a smooth and quiet trip for us by staying out of trouble." Billy warns.

"Of course Dad, we'll look out for each other as usual and I'll cancel the rave I had planned. Bella can you tell your friend not to bring those kegs?" Jake jokes.

Billy and I crack up at his absurd joke but Charlie is just about able to keep himself from smiling.

"Alright alright enough, time to be serious. We trust you both so let's keep things that way." My Dad says.

A weekend alone with Jacob...why was that giving me butterflies?

I was actually giddy the rest of the week thinking about my weekend plans. A normal girls night and uninterrupted time with Jake? Maybe my life is taking a turn for the better.

I see my Dad off after school on Friday before heading to Angela's.

"Now Bella, if you need anything just call me and I can come home. Otherwise we'll be back by Monday afternoon at the latest. I left some extra cash on the coffee table." He says before giving me a squeezing hug and soft kiss to my forehead. I didn't realize for too long how much my life was missing without my Dad in it.

"I'll be fine Dad and I'll check in with you. Have some fun and I'll see you on Monday. Love you."

"Love you too Bells." He tells me and then gets in the cruiser and heads to the Res to pick-up Billy.

How sad am I that tonight is my first girls night? (Times with Alice aside of course). It was so perfectly normal and I was living for it. We ordered and ate too much Chinese and still continued to consume three different types of dessert.

When we were finally full and lounging in Angela's room her added ulterior motive for inviting us over finally came out. She needed advice about a friend of all of ours, Ben.

I had seen them talking and spending time together at school since I moved here but as far I knew they hadn't dated. And honestly, after listening to Angela it didn't sound like she really wanted to. It's one of those cases, she likes the idea of him as a boyfriend more than she actually wants him as her boyfriend.

Jessica seems to notice this too and gives vague advice about fate and letting things happen naturally. I'm glad she didn't tell her to just go for it even though it's an awkward situation. I decide to be a bit more honest.

"Ang, I think it might be better to wait. Ben is a great guy and you know we think you're amazing but if you two were meant to be, something would've progressed by now. You don't want to date someone just to date, you want to do it because you want them specifically." I tell her, hoping not to hurt her feelings.

She sighs before responding. "Ugh you're right Bella. I just, I don't know I'm tired of being the only one who hasn't gone a date before, let alone done anything else. And now Jessica and Mike are trying to make things work again and you have Jacob. I would just really like a relationship."

I feel for her, she has been one of my only support systems here in Forks no matter the circumstances. Angela is smart and beautiful and honestly fun to be around. I know she can have whoever she wants even if she doesn't see it but I also know she won't just date anyone, that's why she needed us to talk to tonight to remind her of that.

"I get it, trust me I do. I didn't have friends in Arizona and I definitely didn't have a boyfriend. You guys are my first real friends and Edward was my first boyfriend and my first kiss. And even though it ended it was meant to be for that period of time and I don't regret it, not even now. But that's why Jacob and I are still just us and not in a relationship yet, it needs to be the right person and the right timing. You'll find him Angela, I promise." I tell her.

"Yeah you're a total babe and super funny. Any guy would be lucky to have you." Jessica adds.

Angela throws her arms around us before speaking. "I love you two, thanks for being my best relationships, no boy could compete. But I can't wait for one to try!" She says and we all fall into a fit of laughter.

I'm still grinning from ear to ear when I get home a couple of hours later. I guess sometimes you do really just need your girlfriends.

I had been texting Jake all night and promised to call when I got home so I grabbed the house phone as soon as the door was locked.

"Hello" He answers in his usual sunny voice.

"Hey Jake! How was your day?"

"Bella!" Is all he gets out before I hear yelling.

"Ooh it's Bella? HEY BELLA HOW YOU DOIN?"

Some shuffling goes on before the arguing starts.

"Quil you idiot shut the fuck up I'm trying to have a conversation here."

"Calm your tits lover boy I'm just saying hi, she's my friend too. OW!"

I can barely speak when Jake finally comes back to the phone I'm laughing so hard.

"Sorry about that Bells."

"Friends reruns and pizza with Quil again huh?"

Jacob barks out a laugh. "How'd you guess? I hope your night was better than mine."

"It was a lot of fun actually. We'll have to try another hang out so you can meet Angela and Jessica."

"Sure sure sounds good." More shuffling and grunting. "Bella let me text you in a bit, after I hide Quil's body and I'll see you tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yeah whenever works, just tell me a time tomorrow morning. And I'll be your alibi for the murder."

Jacob laughs at the same time I hear an upset "Hey!" from Quil.

"You're the best. Night Bells." Jacob says.

"Sweet dreams Bella!" Quil yells.

"Night boys."

The smile is starting to make my cheeks ache and it's the best feeling in the world. Almost as good as sleeping through the night and even snoozing my alarm.

I don't lie in too long though, I need to get ready for Jacob. We decided dinner and movies or TV was a perfect Saturday night in.

I wanted to make Jacob happy and a sure-fire way to do that is through his stomach. Charlie has enough steak in the freezer to sink a ship so I defrosted two of them Thursday and started marinating them on Friday. I decided to pair them with my famous mashed potatoes and Grandma Swan's cornbread (I would force some sort of vegetable into Jake as well) and even I was hungry thinking of dinner tonight.

I did a quick, and probably not needed, clean of the house before doing as much dinner prep as possible so I wouldn't waste any time with Jacob. He was bringing dessert, a cake from our cafe, which was a huge and sweet help to me. Jacob had literally tried everything edible they offered and said their chocolate cake was the best but only because I hadn't made him one yet, huge hint in my direction.

Once I had done everything I could, so far, in the kitchen I showered and took my time getting ready. Jacob would be here by 3:00pm leaving me around an hour to get dressed and do my hair and make-up. I settled on a comfy but cute (well to me at least) grey, off the shoulder sweater and black leggings, we were staying in after all. I dried and tried to curl the wayward ends of my hair before putting some liquid eyeliner on my lash line, -my newest self-taught from YouTube trick- eyeshadow and mascara. And I had to say, I scrub up pretty dam well.

I still had a few minutes until Jake should be here so I started to look through the channels for something to watch. Bingo! An all-day marathon of my favorite zombie TV drama. Jacob had started watching it a few weeks back so we could binge and catch him up.

Moments later there's a knock on the door before I hear it open then shut and Jake appears in the doorway of the living room. I can't help but stare at him in his tight long sleeved black shirt and blue jeans. Both articles of clothing set off the beautiful color of his skin, his perfect white teeth and raven hair. God I hope I'm not drooling.

I don't think he even noticed my ogling since he was doing some of his own.

He clears his throat before speaking. "Hey Bells, you look great." Then he holds up the telltale purple box from the cafe. "I got dessert and I didn't even eat any on the ride over!" He says proudly.

I chuckle and stand-up. "Hey Jake, thanks. I'm proud of you and slightly surprised. Come on, let's put that in the kitchen."

After setting the cake down we make our way back to the living room and I tell Jacob we have time to kill before I need to do anything else for dinner. He of course offers to help me and after making fun of my show he then happily sits down to watch it. He's such a tease.

The rest of the evening flies by and we mostly laugh our way through it. No matter what he says I know Jake is into the zombie show and he confirms this when he paused it before heading into the kitchen to finish dinner, thanks for getting the good TV Charlie.

We stay in the kitchen as the food is cooking just talking and enjoying each other's company. And even though we always have an undeniable chemistry, yes even I admit it, tonight it's as if it's heightened. Every brush against each other's hand or side, every time our eyes meet when we speak I can feel myself getting warmer. It's terrifying and irresistible all at once.

After eating our meal, I did well for me and Jacob ate more than usual I swear, we go back to resume our TV binge.

After only an episode or two, Jacob's arm leaves the back of the couch and rests around me, his thumb absentmindedly tracing circles over my exposed shoulder. It's as if there's an electrical current connecting us just from that simple touch and it has my heart and stomach doing jump rope together. I don't stop him because I honestly don't want him to stop and this isn't making me freak out and want to run for the hills, yet.

Of course, I should've known it wouldn't just stay like this. Every other normal girl in the world would've thrown themselves into Jake's lap by now. They wouldn't be getting nervous and have their thoughts going a mile a minute once they realized he kept glancing at them every few moments like he is to me right now. Because I knew what would happen the second I look back at him.

Yet, my head still turns to him and our eyes meet. His thumb never loses its rhythm as his other hand comes up and his fingers brush my cheek. I don't move away or say a word as his gaze shifts from my eyes to my mouth or as he begins to lean in, his eyes closing as he gets closer.

Even though Edward and I never slept together, other than in the platonic boring way, nor did we do any other sexual acts or even remove our clothes I still wasn't a total loser in this department. Our make-out sessions often got hot and heavy with straddling and some petting even. And it was good, yes it was all I knew but I always felt turned on and I know we had chemistry.

Well, I knew that until now.

Because what I felt with Jacob was something I thought never even existed. Our kiss was short but sweet. Jacob only brushed before gently pushing his lips against mine, I'm sure meaning for it to be chaste but I don't think he's capable of making anything chaste. His lips were so warm and soft and the second they touched mine they set me on fire. How could one sweet kiss have my heart racing, fill my stomach with butterflies and have me wanting to rub my thighs together?

It also had my mind going in circles. What did this mean? Was I more connected to Jake? Was this really meant to be? Was I ready? These feelings and questions scared the shit out of me. I couldn't ruin anything between us I just couldn't live without him but I also wanted to try for more. We both deserved it.

Everything hit me at once causing me to not only freeze but then jerk back slightly. Before I could say a word I saw the damage that one move made. Jacob's face fell with his hand before twisting into anger. His other arm was from around me and he was standing in the living room before I could blink.

"Are you fucking kidding me Bella? Was the kiss that bad you had to get away from me?" He growls, hands pulling at his hair and I swear he's vibrating he's so angry.

"Jake no! I jus-"

"Don't. Don't bother. I'm so sick of this back and forth shit. I can't even think right now. I have to go." He says as he turns towards the front door. Jacob is so furious he doesn't even sound like himself.

"Wait Jacob, please!"

By the time I can scramble off the couch and make it to the open doorway there is no sign of the Rabbit or Jacob.

I collapse on the porch staring into the dark night.

That's it, I've finally done it. He's gone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had some new story followers and favorites, which inspired me to continue this fic, so huge thank you to those new subscribers!
> 
> Without further ado here's a new (and overdue) chapter!

I stay up all night. Unless you call passing out from exhaustion for no more than twenty minutes a couple of times "sleep" then I slept for two hours, max.

I call Jake...a lot, I won't lie, and I leave a few voicemails too. When the tears start to fall and I can't trust my voice anymore I start texting him instead. I refuse to make him feel bad by hearing me cry. He deserves to go through this how he needs to.

All the messages are pretty much the same. I tell him how sorry I am, that it was a misunderstanding and I beg him to let me explain. He never answers or responds and after a few hours his phone goes straight to voicemail.

I wake-up from one of my accidental naps to the front door closing. My heart leaps into my throat thinking it's Jacob. But a moment later I hear my Dad's voice.

"Bells! It's just me back a little early." My Dad calls out.

I pull the covers right up to my face knowing I must look like hell from my night of no real sleep and continuous crying. I pretend to still be dozing and not hear him just to give myself a few more seconds to pull my act together.

I hear his footsteps on the stairs and then the gentle knock on my door.

"Bells, you alright? You awake?" My dad asks gently.

I clear my throat before speaking hoping to only sound sleepy.

"Hi Dad, come in." He opens the door but I stay under the covers.

"Not like you to still be in bed. Everything okay?" He worries.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just had my usual nightmare, still feeling tired is all. Why are you back early? How was the cabin?"

"Cabin was great, Billy and I decided to go ahead with the share agreement with Toby and his wife. I'll tell him at work tomorrow." My dad tells me excitedly. "We just came back early because Harry called Billy, they needed another Elder on the Reservation last minute. He didn't seem concerned, this stuff happens quite a bit so I don't pry too much. As long as I know everything is alright I leave him be." My dad shrugs. "So how was your weekend?"

If something had happened to Jake my dad would know so I can't let myself worry. The Res relies heavily on Billy so this could be about anything. Right?

"It was good. I'll get up now and make us some lunch." I tell him, quickly changing the subject.

"I can make us some sandwiches Bella. You just take it easy getting up and come down when you're ready." He says, coming in and leaning down to place a kiss on my head before closing the door and heading to his room.

I checked my phone and had a slight panic attack when I realized it had died and quickly plug it in. I wait for it to power up but it only shows me a blank notification screen. I won't be hearing from Jacob and that really is fine, I don't want to force him to speak to me, see me or reach out before he's ready.

That doesn't mean I won't stop calling and texting though, I can't let him think that this is it, that it's over or that I didn't want last night to happen. I will make sure I stay present and let him know I'm still right here.

Once I get up I decide that I should shower and try to slap some life into my face. After sitting with a cold face cloth on my eyes, I shower, do my hair and get dressed. When I look in the mirror I still look like a mess. I have to put something on the bags under my eyes and it helps somewhat. But I know that no make up in the world will cover up the true expression on my face that's reflecting from my heart, it's similar to the vacant look I had after Edward but even worse.

Somehow I make it through a meal with my Dad and at first he doesn't even suspect anything is wrong since he's still on his fishing trip and new cabin high. But as I'm washing up after our meal and putting ingredients -that hopefully go well together, since I'm not really thinking properly right now- in the crockpot I can feel his eyes on me and practically hear the wheels turning in his head.

"You didn't say much about your weekend Bells. You sure everything's alright?"

"Yeah it was fine. Nothing exciting happened so not much to say." I tell him, relieved I'm still facing the counter and my face can't give way to my real feelings right now.

This seems to appease him for the time being but I know it won't last. After I have some sort of chili, goulash concoction simmering I attempt to sit in the living room with my Dad. However, I quickly decide that doing my homework in my room is better than having Charlie stare at me with concern in his eyes so I force myself to sit at my desk and get my remaining assignments over and done with.

Jacob's phone goes straight to voicemail all day and through the evening. I'm about to give up hope but I try his number one more time before attempting to fall sleep and to my surprise it rings this time but he still doesn't answer. It might not be much of anything but it still gives me a small bit of hope that everything really will be okay at some point.

I leave him a short voicemail just telling him I miss him already and hope he's okay.

And when I finally fall asleep my new nightmares begin and they haunt me every night that week.

Victoria killing Jacob or changing him and then he kills me and vice versa. Me watching a montage of happy Jacob moments ending with him at the altar of a church, in a suit, looking towards the end of the aisle with love in his eyes. I wake up when I realize he's not looking at me, those happy memories were of him and an unknown girl. The Jacob hole in my chest, which is becoming the only one recently, aches for hours and makes it hard to breathe after that particular nightmare.

And I begin to fear sleep more so than ever before.

There are only a few threads of sanity that hold me together over the next several days.

The main one is the fact that I know Jake and I have known him my entire life. He won't leave things like this, not forever, he won't just turn his back on me like Edward did. He deserves time to get through this, that's why I don't drive down to the reservation and try and see him at all in the days following our latest fight. I can't dictate how long it should take for him to get past what happened enough to simply listen to me. But I hold onto the knowledge that he's a good person and that he will speak to me. I don't know when and I don't know what he'll say but at least I will see him again and I'll have my chance to explain what happened and how I was feeling that night.

Then of course, Charlie is always on my mind. I hate to add any more worry or stress to his life. The missing person reports and attacks are now on the border of Forks, the latest fatality was actually camping just inside our forest grounds. Everyone is terrified and if I thought Charlie was working overtime before, that was nothing compared to his hours now. Even though I hate to see him worry about me I feel as though the power to stop that from happening is slowly being pulled out of my grasp. But, right now I still have control of it I so I try my best to put on a brave face and since he's not home that much it's not hard to do for the moment.

The last and barely mentionable reason I haven't completely succumbed to my terror and depression, is the fact that I have mid-terms this week. I'm still actively thinking about my future and a lot depends on my grades from these exams but it also means I'm out of school, as of Thursday afternoon, for two weeks. The fact that I can deal with whatever comes my way after this week without having to go to school is a small but present silver lining.

However, no matter how strong I try to be or how normal I intend to act, Charlie pieced together that something was wrong almost immediately, simply by the absence of Jake.

I was able to keep him somewhat calm and happy at first, using school as a legitimate excuse. But I never could have imagined how quickly everything would take a turn for the worst by the end of the week.

I got home from my last exam and Charlie was actually waiting for me with dinner. I didn't even realize that I had just been playing with the food on my plate but he definitely did. The sound of a fork clanking jolted me out of my thoughts. I turned to look at my Dad and the worry that had been constant on face was now replaced with anger.

"That's it Bella! Tell me right now, what's going on? It's Jacob isn't it?" My Dad is yelling and pissed off, not at me, but at the situation, I can still see the concern for me in his eyes.

And even though he would never intentionally make me cry, his words break the dam I've had in place the last five days and the tears flow freely now. He's around the table in record time and has his arm around me, comforting me.

"Aw Bells I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I've just been so worried about you. I hate seeing you regress back to how you were before and with these attacks and my never being home...I exploded. I'm sorry. But I do want to know what's happening, please just talk to me." My Dad pleads.

"I'm sorry too, you don't need more stress on your shoulders." I hiccup out. "Jake and I just had a fight that's all. I'm giving him space, for now."

"Did you want me to talk to Billy? Or do anything else to help? You can tell me anything you know, if just talking helps."

More tears flow down my face but these are happy tears, my awkward, serious police chief Dad would do anything for me and I'm so freaking lucky I actually forget my despair for a moment. But I can dwell on my loving Dad later, for now, I need to make sure he doesn't make this worse.

"No no no please don't talk to Billy, Dad. Jake and I need to sort this out on our own." I try not to beg or come across as desperate as I feel because I know that will make him even more suspicious.

He sighs before replying. "I understand that Bella but Jacob knows better than anyone, besides us, how tough the end of last year was after the, uh... _they_ left. Him not talking to you or seeing you, it's hitting a little close to home. We're just getting you back Bells, I don't want to lose you again."

And the look on his face breaks another piece of a heart I no longer thought I had. My poor Dad, he tries so hard in all aspects of his life and here I am scaring him again because I can't stop myself from venturing back into zombie Bella territory.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you but Jacob and I need to work this out ourselves. I can't not have normal fights because of Edward." I tell him.

Charlie stares at me for a few moments before saying anything. "You're right Bells but I won't let you go back to where and who you were a few months ago, I swear that to you."

I know he's dead serious about that promise and no matter how much I don't want to get him involved it's as if I can see the control of my life, my feelings and decisions being ripped out of my grasp and handed over to some faceless being.

Losing Jacob is literally tearing me apart, not breaking me like Edward did, but irrevocably changing who I am.

I blame my sudden exhaustion on my final midterm (not a total lie) and escape to my room as soon as our conversation is over. I can't keep talking about this at all let alone with Charlie, it was making me fall apart more rapidly than I already was and I had to try to hold myself together for as long as possible.

Even though I completely agree with what I said to Charlie about not being able to change how I handle disagreements and obstacles that come my way just because of Edward, I also had to continue to try and get through to Jacob. Right there and right then I decided to try a different tactic with him tonight.

I have contacted him more than once every single day since Saturday. I always call first, even though I know he won't answer, and then I switch it up between leaving a voicemail or sending him a text message. The messages themselves haven't changed much, all do is express how I'm sorry, tell him that I just need to explain myself and promise him that the situation that night was a huge misunderstanding. I end by telling him how much I miss him and that I just hope he's okay. I'm pretty much a broken record.

Tonight however, when I call I'm glad to know he won't answer, I'm relieved to get his voicemail because I want to leave a different message and who knows, maybe it'll get through to him?

I get myself completely ready for bed and take a few deep breaths before pacing my room while listening to his phone ring.

"Hey it's Jake, leave a message if you have to!" *Beep* I barely hear his voicemail greeting and the following beep, letting me know I can begin talking, over my own racing heartbeat.

"H-hey Jake, it's me and my daily attempt of trying to speak to you." A sad and nervous huff of laughter escapes me. "Look, I don't know how Billy has been but the second my midterms were over Charlie made it known that he's realized something happened between us. He wanted to call your dad and try to help but don't worry I told him not to and I explained that we need to work through this ourselves. And I really do want to work through this. But Charlie said something that struck a chord with me." I take a deep steadying breath.

"You know that when Edward left he cut off all contact with me, as if he had never known me and you saw how that affected me, how unfair it was. And now it's almost been an entire week and you're starting to follow in his footsteps, except this is worse and it's scaring me." My voice cracks no matter how hard I tried to be strong.

"I know it's different with you, I know you, you're my best friend, but any sort of communication from you would just keep the hope alive that we'll be okay...and we have to be okay Jake. We just _have_ to be." I pause, closing my eyes and will the tears away.

"I'm sorry that I reacted the way I did, I'm sorry that we've had such a shit misunderstanding and I miss you so much, my life is falling to pieces without you. Like a part of me is missing, literally just taken away from me. So I'll keep doing my usual routine of begging you to call, or text or visit or even use a carrier pigeon, just reach out...please. Okay, well, bye Jake."

I have no idea if this message will hit home with him or get across better than the hundreds of other messages I've left but for now I still have some sort of control on the situation and can't give up completely.

I fall into a restless sleep but I avoid any full blown nightmares tonight. I just see weird moving shapes and colors of brown, red, grey and black that for whatever reason set my heart racing and wake me up several times. Its strange but I'll take it over my usual terrifying and heartbreaking night terrors.

The past day or so has been completely quiet in Forks. No missing hikers, no attacks, which is feeding the hypothesis that a bear was the culprit. Charlie's hopeful it's been sated or killed. Of course I'm happy the attacks have quietened down if even for only a day and that Charlie can rest a bit but that also means we're both home and I have to keep up the façade all day. Who would've thought I'd miss school on my first day off?

I told Charlie I was looking for some new books so I would check out our neightoring towns since our local bookstore had nothing new. At least that part was the truth. I had no intention of doing any shopping I just had to leave the house.

I get in my truck and just start driving. At first I'm going in circles and then I realize I that I know my surroundings and I know exactly where my subconscious is taking me. A few minutes later I turn off to the left and park the truck in the same spot I did with Edward when he took me here. It's the path to the meadow. I realize in that moment, I've been thinking his name and speaking it aloud and other than a slight burning in my chest I feel nothing negative. So why has my mind brought me here?

It's not a long walk to the top and I started my day so early and spun such a story to Charlie that I have time to kill. It's as if I have the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. One telling me to get back in that goddamn truck and go buy any book I can find or drive in those circles I thought I was in to begin with but do not walk on that foot path, even without the attacks, me hiking alone just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

And then there was the devil, telling me to easily waste my day away, to stay out of the house and even if I wasn't hurting thinking of Edward and his family wouldn't it be nice to see the meadow, to relive a good memory since I have no new ones to be made at the moment?

As per usual in my life, the devil won.

I bundle up, grab my bag and start walking up the slight hill to the medow. I swear its a shorter trek than I remember and I don't even fall. Sure I trip more than a handful of times but I never land on my face so it's a win for me.

About half an hour later I see the trees start to thin out and I know I'm nearing the top of the hill. When I finally make it to the tree line it's like a punch to the gut to see this place again. It's not as green and there's no flowers but it's a sunny winters day and the memories are fresh in my mind.

I don't feel heartbroken or lost, just sad. Sad that such a beautiful memory will always be overshadowed by the awful ones Edward created for us. Nevertheless, it's almost therapeutic to be here, to see this place one last time. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, savoring the moment knowing that I won't stay long, I'll turn around and leave, go back to my truck and never look back.

And then as I'm taking my deep breath, the crisp clean air changes to a thick, sweet one. And I freeze. I know that smell, I would never forget it as long as I live. Vampire.

I'm terrified to open my eyes, not knowing who will be in front of me. I know it's not one of the Cullens, they would have made themselves known by now. The only reasonable explanation is a nomad, a ridiculously lucky one to have happened upon a human. I'm not only surprised when I finally open my eyes but relieved as well. It is a nomad but it's one that I know. Laurent.

When I first realize it's him I let out the breath I'd been holding and smile but as I go to greet him my stomach drops. I can immediately see his eyes are a deep red, not the glowing yellow of the Cullens' eyes, a result of the vegetarian diet I last heard he too had taken on quite seriously.

He speaks first. "Bella! Beautiful Bella. What a surprise."

I feel as though I've forgotten how to speak, as if the synapses in my brain have forgotton how to fire correctly and I'm now a mute. In the seconds after he acknowledges me I start to panic but then I hear it, another voice, a beautiful melodic voice that will always call me.

" _Speak to him, normally. Try to stay calm_." Edward tells me.

I'm frozen for another second, this time not in fear but in shock that I've heard his voice again and that it doesn't rip my chest wide open in pain. The rawness of Edward's departure has calmed, yet he still warns me of danger.

I really am bat shit crazy.

"Laurent, hi, I never thought I'd see you again. How are you?" I feign normalcy.

"As good as the undead can be. Definitely better than you." He says almost sadly.

"W-what do you mean?" I ask.

"Might as well get to the point. I'm here as a favor to Victoria." He tells me ominously. "She's never been the same since James was killed by Edward and she's finally ready for revenge. I didn't want any part of her vendetta but she saved me once and I am indebted to her." Laurent shakes his head slightly. "It's strange though, I'm here and the Cullen's are not. Where are they? He tilts his head as he watches me, waiting for my response.

" _Lie_." Edward growls.

"They're, uh, out of town." I stammer out.

" _Lie better!_ " Edward commands.

"They'll all be back soon though. If you can't wait in Forks then I can tell them you were here." I say, slightly more confident.

Laurent laughs and it sends chills down my spine.

"Oh Bella, it is you I really need to see, not the Cullens. Victoria believes a mate for a mate is fairer than simply burning Edward into ashes." His smile disappears and suddenly morphs into a look of hunger. "But seeing as they've tossed you away, bored with their human toy it seems, her efforts are futile." He says as he stalks closer to me making my heart skip a beat.

"No, n-no that's not true. You should just stay in Forks and wait for the Cullens. We can all figure this out." I try to convince him to not act on instinct.

"Sweet Bella, if they cared enough to fix this wouldn't they be here making sure you weren't out in the woods alone?" He sneers. "We won't be waiting for anyone or anything. I only hope Victoria will forgive me, but you smell too good and my resolve is too weak to let you leave here. Stay still and I'll make this quick." Laurent says as starts to move even closer to me.

I know there is no point in running so I take a step back, then a deep breath, close my eyes and whisper to myself, "I'm sorry Dad. I love you Jake."

And then I wait for his ice cold grip and razor sharp teeth but neither ever touch me. I risk another glance, slowly opening my eyes and I can't believe what I'm seeing.

Laurent has his back to me and hes now the one who is frozen in place, staring straight ahead. "I don't believe it." He utters, to himself.

That's not the shocking part of the scene in front of me, though, it's the five wolves cornering Laurent and growling so much I can barely hear myself think.

I say wolves but they're as tall as horses and freaking terrifying. The black one in front must be the Alpha as the other four flank him. Other than noticing this and an idea of their differing colors, except for the russet fur of one of them whose big furry shoulders stand out in my mind, I don't take in anything else.

This is my chance to get the hell out of here. If I hadn't seen Laurent's reaction I would've automatically thought to myself that there will be five dead wolves in the next few minutes and that Laurent would be back on my heels.

But the shocked look on his face and his quiet revelation to himself has my mind spinning. Do I have a hope in escaping alive? I hope so but I am not waiting around to find out here, I'll take my chance racing back to my truck. I hightail it out of there, running smoothly all the way to the small parking lot. I jump in with my coat and bag still on and push the truck faster than it's ever driven in its life.

Part of me doesn't even want to go home, knowing for a fact now that Victoria is out there and on the hunt for me. The closer I am to Charlie the more danger he's in. But he needs to know about the pack of wolves, no matter how mad he will be at me for going out there alone today.

Before Charlie's whole head turns completely red with anger, his Sheriff side wins out. He yells at me for being so stupid and orders me to stay inside the house, then he grabs his jacket, gun and cruiser keys before rushing out the door.

I spend the first hour that my dad is gone pacing the entire house. I wonder if Laurent and Victoria are outside of my house watching me. Are all the wolves dead or was there something else going on with them that seemed to shock Laurent?

The adrenaline doesn't seem to be leaving my system anytime soon and it acts as some sort of extra courage so I pick up the phone to call Jake, ready to confront him or his voicemail. It's been too long since we've spoken and life is too short to treat each other like this.

I am so used to the ringing that leads to his pre-recorded message before the long beep signaling me to speak sounds off, that it takes me a second to register the fact that it's silent on his end. It finally hits me that the phone has been answered, even if whoever is on the other end, why I don't think it would be Jake is beyond me, is simply not saying anything.

"Jake?" I ask.

"Bella." He says my name as if he's in pain, and it breaks my heart.

"I can't believe you answered, it's so good to hear your voice. I-."

"Stop." He cuts me off harshly. "Stop talking and stop calling. I'm over this shit and I don't want to talk to you." He barks at me.

Once his harsh words register I can't catch my breath. This must be what it's like to be punched in the gut, when all the air leaves your body and you're gasping like mad trying to suck in any oxygen.

"What? Why Jake? Why now?" I demand once I find my voice, tears streaming down my face.

"That doesn't matter. Just leave me alone. I promised not to hurt you and even though this hurts now, it's whats best for you in the long run. I-I'm sorry Bells. Goodbye." His voice cracks at the end of his earth shattering statement and then he just hangs up.

My phone falls out of my hand, hitting the ground seconds before my body follows. I sit in the middle of my room frozen in shock for sometime. And then the sobs start.

I manage to crawl into bed and burrow under the covers as I feel myself fall completely apart. This is nothing the same as with Edward and that fact terrifies me.

The next two days are a blur of tears and pain. I can almost feel my entire body, inside and out, pulling apart and I feel as if I'll never fit together again. I know now, what happened with Edward pales in comparison to losing Jake.

The Cullen family cracked and broke me but between Jake, Charlie and I, we were able to piece me back together. Not as the same Bella from before I knew them, which is a good thing, I have become stronger and smarter. I'll never forget my time with them, and I hope to one day to think of those memories with happiness.

What's happened with Jacob is as if a part of my soul floated out of my body and no one can survive without their entire soul.

Since my life is Murphy's Law, my period started the morning after that life altering phone call. The only upside was my monthly troubles kept Charlie at bay. Not that he was home at all really. He was at the station from sun up until almost midnight the following several days. My lead on the wolves had spurred him on to closing this case and he was re-interviewing witnesses who agreed they may have seen them as well but since they're so large they hadn't thought them to be wolves.

I ate and drank enough over the weekend to avoid more physical pain but besides those expeditions to the kitchen, I lay in bed and felt every piece of my heart crack and fall away.

No matter how deeply I was aware of the fact that this was going to change my entire life, that there would be no support system to keep me from spiraling downwards until there was no Bella left I was somehow able to find my last drop of strength on Monday morning.

When I heard Charlie leave at dawn for the day I felt the first simmering of anger in my belly. I simply lay there, basking in a new emotion and soon after I forced myself out of bed. I stripped. The sheets and opened my window for the first time in days. After starting my laundry, I cleaned my room and any other part of the house that needed it. The heat in my veins surging me forward.

My thoughts were running rampant the entire time and it didn't take long for me to decide I deserved better than this. If Jacob wanted nothing more to do with me he would respect me and our friendship and tell me to my damn face. With my mind made up of a trip to La Push I went upstairs to wash off the smell and tears from my weekend of wallowing.

This could be the last time I feel anything besides despair for some time, maybe ever, and I was going to milk the small amount of resilience I had found in myself today.

By lunch time, the fire in my blood was competing with the butterflies in my stomach for dominance over my emotions but I was showered and dressed and stomped my way to the door only grabbing my cell and keys.

I drove the familiar route to the Black's quaint cottage and almost immediately the rain began. Drizzling at first before really coming down. At least it wasn't that cold today because this weather wasn't going to stop me.

I must've been on autopilot because before I knew it, my heart was pounding as I put my truck into park in Jacob's driveway and quickly opened my door, rushing into the downpour to chase after the shirtless boy I saw stalking away.

Here goes nothing...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switching up the POV this chapter and taking a stab at writing as Jake. Let me know if you prefer one character over the other or if mixing it up is more your thing. Read, enjoy and please review/comment!! :)

I had never thought much on the existence of Heaven or Hell. Quileutes have their own beliefs on the afterlife so I had no reason to dwell on it.

But now, here I am, living in literal Hell on earth.

It’s been over a week since I last saw Bella and days since I heard her voice, well with her knowing at least.

Not being able to see her, speak to her and comfort her, after I know I broke her heart is making me fucking sick.

I knew something was wrong with me a while ago. It was more than teenage hormones and stress. Even though my dad wouldn’t say much about any of my concerns and tried to have me brush them off, that didn’t make me feel any better.

Add in the fact that every damn thing is heightened with Bella and it was a disaster waiting to happen. My irritation, and yeah I’ll admit it, nervousness over Sam effing Uley just being himself and my confusion and heartbreak over Embry deserting me and Quil, were nothing compared any emotion with Bella.

It hurt like heck when she pulled away from our kiss, but I understood, really. I’m not blind or stupid, Bella loves me and wants me as more than her best friend, she just isn’t ready. That piece of shit Cullen ruined her and she needs more time. Was it hurtful and frustrating? Yes, of course. But not to the point that I would flip out on her like I did that night.

As soon I left her house, it all began making sense though.

I honestly didn’t remember driving home, I went from opening her front door to almost ripping my own off it’s hinges. My body felt as if it was melting from the inside out and vibrating non-stop. I must’ve looked as bad as I felt because when my dad saw me standing in our doorway he actually cowered.

“What’s happening?!” I demanded but it came out as more of a roar.

“Jacob, please go back outside. Trust me, it’s for the best right now.” My dad said in a calm voice as he slowly wheeled himself to our landline.

I wanted fucking answers and my blood boiled even more at the fact he was ignoring me _again._ But the look on my father’s face was enough to push me back out into the dark night.

Stalking towards the forest surrounding my childhood home, I somehow began to feel even worse. I was so hot I couldn’t catch my breath, my body was literally shaking and my head was dizzy with everything I was feeling.

That’s when I saw it amongst the trees. A wolf. A huge ass, black wolf. It was really more the size of a cross between a bear and Clydesdale. As if tonight couldn’t suck more, I was going to be eaten alive. Super.

I knew this feeling inside of me wasn’t going to end without something happening. What that something was, I had no idea. Being killed seemed like an option, I wouldn’t survive how awful I felt much longer.

And then the wolf started shaking too, just like I was, but it’s movements stopped quickly and then, there, suddenly in the place the large animal just stood, was a naked (if could’ve stayed still I would’ve puked) Sam.

The sight of him snapped whatever was holding me back and I felt every damn bone in my body smash into pieces before they all stretched and contorted into something else. Finally, the physical pain disappeared and I was able to stay still.

Then the mental torment started.

I could hear voices but not with my ears, no matter how fucking crazy that sounds. There was my own, and ugh, Sam’s, and then three others.

I figured it out pretty fast. The voices were in my _head. And that’s when I saw the black wolf was back, except, I was at his eye level now. The three other voices I heard were wolves as well, slightly smaller but still imposing._

That meant I had to be a...no, no, no, noooo!

I thought I was dead, that must be it, the wolf had attacked me and this was limbo, or the afterlife, or shock? It couldn’t be real, of that I was certain.

I could hear my own voice repeating a mantra of _“what the fuck? Holy shit! What the hell is going on?!”_

_”Jacob it’s Sam. Listen to me I’ll explain everything.”_

_“Hey Jake! Missed you man. It’ll make as much sense as possible if you give Sam a chance.”_ That was Embry. So this is why he cut me and Quil off. Legit excuse at least.

I deciphered the other voices were Jared and Paul. They didn’t say anything, they just nodded to me via our thoughts?

_“Yes Jacob that’s right. All of our minds are connected but only when we’re in wolf form.”_ Sam chimed in.

I guess he felt my mind blowing confusion and quickly alternated telling me what had happened in between showing me his thoughts or memories. I didn’t really need much explanation.

None of us had ever missed a bonfire or the stories of our ancestors. Obviously we all thought it was part myth, added in to excite everyone around the campfire. Who could blame us for not believing our great-grandparents were werewolves?

I can tell you though, I was wrong, really fucking wrong. They were wolves and so are we. And all because of those blood sucking Cullen cunts. I didn’t think there was hate left in the world for me to feel towards them, but I managed to find the last scrap.

Sam stops and let’s me growl and tear at the dirt beneath my...paws, before going on.

He explains he’s the Alpa for now but that it is my right by birth and when I’m ready he’ll become my Beta instead. We fight for a long time over the fact I don’t want the damn title or position. When it’s plain to see that we’re at a total impasse, we agree to leave that topic alone for a while.

Everyone is shocked at how well I’m handling this whole shitstorm (am I though, or is it shock and denial?) and at how calm I already am. Jared thinks I’ll be able to turn back into human form tonight. Apparently it takes some of us days or weeks. I couldn’t handle that. I already feel claustrophobic with all these people in my head, they’re taking up too much room next to my thoughts and fears.

I know I’ll break down soon and from there I’ll spontaneously phase, as they’ve warned me, but in this moment I feel slightly relieved. Not knowing what the fuck was going on inside of me was terrifying and having an answer is, well, it’s something.

And Bella. _Bella_. I can explain everything now. Why I was short tempered and angry with her and hope she understands. If she could love a vampire then at least I’m not her first taste of the mythical.

_“Jacob no.”_ Sam says in a voice that travels all the way down my spine. _“You can’t tell her. Or anyone for that matter. Only the pack, their mates and the Elders are aware.”_

_“She could be my mate one day.”_ I argue.

_“It’s not that simple._ ” He sounds defeated.

And that’s when I see his memories play like a movie. Leah when she was happy and warm. Sam proposing, their trips and date nights. Even their fights and tough times. An x-rated moment almost slips out but Sam has hella control of his mind and locks it back up quickly.

I know all of this though and I’m expecting to see her heartbreak next but instead I see Emily. The reason for Sam ending his engagement and relationship with Leah. And I finally understand.

_Imprint._

I fall on my ass when Sam shows us all the first time he saw Emily after he phased. It’s more than love, it’s a connection that cannot and will not be broken. I felt Sam’s world disappear before it returned but now it revolved around Emily and only Emily.

He rushes through the shit parts with Leah and I’m thankful. The hurt still emanates from her to this day. But now I understand. He had no choice. Which is shit. One life broken beyond belief for who knows how long, maybe always, and another tainted and forever doused in heartbreak just because we’re fucking wolves?

_“I love Bella as much as you love Emily. By my own damn choice! I need to tell her and fix us.”_ Without meaning to I replay last Saturday night for them.

_“Jacob please don’t make me order you to not speak of this. My Alpha command will make it physically impossible and I hate using that power.”_ Sam pleads and I can tell he’s being honest.

I feel as if the world is spinning around and around but I can’t catch my footing or my breath. An inhuman growl escapes my chest and the snapping feeling returns a moment before I’m a naked heap on the forest floor.

The next several days are some of the worst of my life, right up there with losing my mom. Staying away from Bella feels impossible and when I’m running off energy or patrolling Forks and La Push, looking for the red haired bitch vampire, I always end up in the tree line surrounding Charlie’s home.

Even though I feel calmer being closer to her it doesn’t help past that. These damn wolf powers are never ending it seems and I can hear her calling my cell, leaving voicemails or whispering her text messages out loud, as if I were next to her. And it breaks me, the pain from hurting her is eating me alive. On top of it all are the nightmares that still wake her up, a couple I’ve been around to listen to. They leaving her a shaking, sniffling ball of nerves until dawn and I don’t know how much more I can handle.

The need to be there for her is more primal than any other wolfy crap I’ve been through so far and it drives me to find a way around telling her what’s happening to me.

Even after that fucked up phone call, and god do I regret it some sort of bad. How could I have spoken to her like that?!

I know how. It was my disappointment and heartache (who knew I could experience any more of that at the hands of Bella) mixing together and exploding with my new anger, the answer to everything it seems when you’re a freshly phased werewolf.

When we followed that scent, the sickly sweet, clawing odor of a bloodsucker to a meadow, we were all excited and ready to end the piece of shit. And then my stomach dropped. Bella was here and talking to the thing only seconds before he made to kill her.

Sam used his Alpa orders on me for the first time that day, ensuring I followed our plan and didn’t just run to Bella’s side. Damn mind reading.

The look on the vampire’s face was priceless. Besides the Cullens, no one else knew of our existence and it felt so damn good shocking the shit out of the red eyed freak.

I had been keeping Bella in my peripheral vision the entire time, not wanting to look at her directly for fear of missing any movement from the threat right in front of her or simply losing myself in her. I could feel Bella studying us all quickly but she lingered on me. By the time I dared to meet her gaze she was running out of the field.

We chased, caught and killed the dreadlocked vampire with ease. Embry and I phased back to burn his remains and as soon as everyone was out of my head it hit me.

I saw Bella and didn’t imprint.

I dropped the limb I was about to throw into the fire as my sight got spotty and I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs.

“Jake...what’s wrong?” I heard Embry’s concerned question but couldn’t answer him, I felt the change happening without my consent.

In the blink of an eye I was back on all fours, my thoughts so distraught, angry and heartbroken I heard Paul and Jared whine from the pain.

_“Phase now!_ ” Sam commanded them.

_“Why why why? Fuck!”_ I roared as I ran and ran, my legs burning.

_“Jacob, head back to the reservation.”_ Sam said, giving me the chance to do so without bringing the Alpa into this.

Begrudgingly, I obeyed turned around. Taking the long way, back to La Push. Sam does as well, but stays parallel to give me physical space.

_“Jacob I’m sorry, I truly am._ ” The black wolf tells me.

_“That doesn’t fucking help me. I don’t want some stranger I want Bella. I need her. Damnit!”_

_“I know, trust me I know.”_ Sam actually sounds sad, his voice is always just commanding in wolf form, no real emotion present. _“You can go home for a while.”_ He offers.

I don’t want to but I’m not thinking straight. _“Fine. Not for long though.”_ I can’t let my pack or people down. And if I’m out patrolling later, I can run past Bella’s to check on her the only way possible.

I make it home in record time and slam my bedroom door before my dad can even say hi. I actually sleep for a bit and only wake-up when I hear my cell buzzing incessantly.

The caller ID flashes “Bells” and my heart stops. I know what I have to do and I feel dead inside already.

After I hang-up, I barely make it outside before I phase and the entire pack shrinks away and whines at the thoughts and feelings coursing through me. No one says a word about it. Sam just tells me where to patrol and Embry just keeps checking on me. I take in ever rock and blade of grass I see, hoping my mental inventory of the nature around me will block out the thoughts I’m having of Bella.

It does help to distract me but the night still drags on while we scour the entire state, practically, looking for any sign of the red headed vampire. Finally, in the early hours of the next morning, Sam sends everyone, besides himself, home. We didn’t smell one trace of her and he’s comfortable staying out alone for a few hours, letting Jared rest before coming back to switch off.

I’m dead tired but I push my limbs as hard and as fast as they’ll go until I can see Bella’s house just ahead of me. But I’m not the first wolf here. Embry is in the woods that surround her lawn and I see Paul scoping out the station one more time before heading home. The pack always checks on her and Charlie, I don’t even have to ask.

_“Thank you.”_ I think to them both.

Paul barely acknowledges me but I know he appreciates it and Embry smiles at me from his seat to my left, his large tongue lolling out of his mouth.

“ _Anytime brother.”_ He says. I know he picked up on the deeper meaning to my thanks. He’s really helped me through the first week of wolf life and even more so today after the non-imprint and the fall out from it.

Embry doesn’t say anything else, he just bumps into my shoulder before leaving me alone. I hear his reason why immediately, now that I’m listening for it.

Bella is hiccuping in her restless sleep, the after effects of crying for probably hours. She jolts awake a few minutes later, sucking in air like a fish on land before burying her face into her pillow or blankets and then I hear her body wracking sobs.

I run home after that, a broken howl escaping me. I collapse on my bed, tears racing down my cheeks for a long time.

Billy comes in to check on me when the sun is high in the sky. He doesn’t say a word, after looking at me he just leaves, closing the door behind him. I can still hear him talking to Sam on the phone and I wait for him to come over.

He mimicked my dad, watching me but not speaking before heading back into my kitchen.

“Let’s leave him to rest for the day. And probably tomorrow as well.” Sam says, sounding concerned.

“Yes I agree.” My dad is freaking out, his voice falters more than I’ve heard in years. “This isn’t normal Sam. Even with him being a new wolf. I’ve started reading into it but I’m coming up blank. Can you try as well?”

“I was planning on doing that today. We will get to the bottom of this Billy, I promise.”

They talk a little longer before Sam excuses himself and I hear them embracing one another, my dad landing a strong clap on the younger man’s back.

What the fuck are they researching? I have a broken heart, I can’t do a damn thing about it and I’m a fucking wolf. I don’t think you’ll find a fix-it to my issues in Cosmo.

I force myself out of bed sometime that evening. Half of me never wants to see food again but the wolf part of me is starving. My insane metabolism and knack for growing huge muscles causing me pain from lack of sustenance.

My dad eyes me from where he’s seated near the television but doesn’t say a word. I eat an entire box of cereal and drink a carton of orange juice but it all tastes like cardboard.

After cleaning up after myself I fall back into bed and pass out. When I wake-up again I can tell it’s already past noon the next day and I feel like shit for not helping my dad. Even he’s pretty self sufficient he still needs assistance with some tasks. Before I can kick myself in the ass too hard I hear the man in question wheeling around the kitchen talking to someone.

It’s Sam and I don’t want to know what the fuck they’re going on about so I cover my head with my pillow and wait them out. They both leave shortly after and I escape to the kitchen to eat more cardboard, drink water and use the bathroom. I know tomorrow I have to get the hell out of bed and do my damn forsaken duties and therefore intend to enjoy, as much as I can, the solitude I have left.

I don’t hear my dad or anyone else return and the next time I wake-up I know sleep won’t find me again for some time, no matter how dead I feel inside. It’s early but I need to shower and eat before pulling my tail from between my legs and phasing.

I drag out the whole damn process and then go to my dad, my eyes hopefully expressing how sorry I am for being a lump of goddamn nothing for days. I help him into the shower and make him something to eat as well.

When he’s happily reading the paper I know there’s nothing else for me to do besides head out into the rain, because of course it’s almost pouring right now, and find the pack.

As I begin stalking across my yard to the forest, I hear it. The ancient Chevy I brought back to life is pulling into my driveway. I want to run, to escape her and whatever she has to say but my legs won’t move like I want them to. At this pace she’ll easily catch up, no matter how clumsy Bella is.

Even thinking her name is a stab to my chest and I have to take a deep breath just to catch myself.

I can tell she saw me without even looking in her direction, if the sounds of her half assed parking job and scurrying are any indication to go by.

“Jacob!” Bells begins calling to me as soon as she’s out of the cab of the truck. And she’s pissed.

I put my chin to my chest and keep walking.

“Jacob Black, stop, stop right now!” I wouldn’t be surprised if steam was pouring from her ears she’s so damn mad at me.

It’s causing me literal pain but I continue to head away from her.

“Please Jake, please.” Bella is closer now and can’t keep the emotion from her voice any longer. When her voice cracks it’s my undoing and I pause.

She’s right behind me, I can feel her presence but can’t will myself to turn around

“I know Jake, I-I know I haven’t handled this, us, well.” She takes a breath and it’s shaky. Even though the rain is consistent it’s warm today and I know the tremor isn’t from her feeling cold.

“But I deserve better from you. You are my best friend. You were there after Edward left, you saw what his leaving did to me, yet here you are, cutting me off too.”

For a moment I can’t decide what’s more shocking, the fact she compared me to that thing who broke her heart (even if it’s almost just) or that she spoke his name and didn’t react to it at all.

The former quickly wins and it’s the only reason I finally turn to face her.

Bella is just as I remembered, thankfully not changing in the time we’ve been apart, besides maybe looking a little thinner. The realization making me cringe. Her soaking wet hair is pushed back from her face. She’s the definition of a drowned rat, a fucking beautiful drowned rat. Rain drops run down her face and her clothes looked glued to her body.

I was expecting all of it though. What caused me to fall to my knees, was the moment she looked up from staring at her shoes and her big brown eyes met my own.

Bella’s eyes were sad, beyond sad really. They were full of heartbreak and the vacant look from months ago was returning with a vengeance. But that all disappeared when we locked gazes.

As Bella’s eyes grew wide and watched me land on the ground, she sucked in a sharp breath. I can’t imagine what the fuck I looked like just then.

My entire world was frozen for half a second before every damn person, place or thing I’d ever known vanished. They were all replaced with Bella. _Bellabellabellabellabella._

There was no longer a reason for my existence, for the harsh breaths currently leaving my body, without her. It really did feel as if gravity wasn’t keeping me grounde to Earth anymore, only she did.

I could hear the pack stop the approach they had begun once I stopped and turned to Bella, their worry pushing them from the forest. Every single one of them was shocked by the strength of my imprint.

My motherfucking imprint.

All of this passed by in less than a minute and Bella seemed to be able to pull herself out of the fog of what had happened quicker than I could.

Closing the distance between us her small hands found either side of my face. “Jake...are you okay? What just happened?” She was curious but concern clouded her entire being.

I could always sense how Bella felt most of time and knew when she was hiding something or was too scared to be honest, but now her emotions felt like my own. _Holy shit_.

My mouth wouldn’t cooperate with my brain and it was all I could do to tilt my head and look at her. The love of my goddamn life, by choice, and now my imprint.

I then brought my arms around her middle and, even though my face was level with her chest, I instead crouched down to bury it in her stomach.

Bella rubbed my scalp with one hand and the top of my back with the other for a few minutes, subconsciously trying to calm me. This elation wasn’t simmering down anytime soon though.

When I made no move to speak or change position, Bella slowly lowered herself down to the wet grass, wrapping her arms around my neck.

She didn’t pull back when she did this and neither did I, leaving my face to run along her abdomen, her supple chest and her soft neck.

I somehow forced my body mere inches away from her own before we were face to face, the strain of that movement was unbelievable.

“Hi.” I said looking into her eyes again. I tucked a few strands of unruly hair behind her ear, leaving my hand to cradle her face, my thumb tracing her cheekbone. My other hand still holding her around the waist, keeping her tightly against me.

Bella smiled despite the whole strange situation. “Hi.” She whispered.

The rain was incessant, Sam and the guys weren’t far from us and there was a shitload of talking Bells and I needed to do. But right then, in that bubble we had created, I didn’t give a damn.

Our breath was mingling we were so close, our hands held onto to the other as if our lives depended on it, hell maybe now they did, and I was so deliriously happy. Nothing else mattered.

I ran my thumb along her plump bottom lip instead this time before leaning in and crushing my mouth against her own.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank youuu to everyone that has favorited, followed, subscribed, bookmarked and left kudos on my story. You guys are the best! And an extra special hug and thanks to my sweet reviewers/commenters, I appreciate and love your words so so much. They truly help me to write and feel as though I'm doing something right.
> 
> Random thought lol. The song Señorita by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, some of the lyrics, and definitely the motel scene in the music video, give me Jake and Bells feels. What do you think? Like this:
> 
> You say, "We're just friends."
> 
> But friends don't know the way you taste-la-la-la
> 
> 'Cause you know it's been a long time comin'
> 
> Don't you let me fall, oh
> 
> Anyways, let's get to it! :)

When my lips touched Bella's it was as if my whole body was a live wire. Pleasure and relief raced through my body. It didn't even cross my mind she may not want this but I didn't have much time to worry. I could feel the arousal and happiness within Bella. This new connection was going to be a blessing and a curse all rolled into one.

I thread my fingers into her hair, tilting my head to kiss her deeper, my tongue plunging into her mouth when hers opened in a gasp.

I was thanking the pack mind in that moment. I had no real idea what the hell I was doing but one look into Paul's triple x thoughts and a monk could become a porn star overnight.

When her tongue touched mine the groan that escaped me was uncontrollable. It did bring me back to the present however, the rain, the hard mud covered ground underneath us and of course, our wolfy audience.

I slowly break our kiss but softly press my lips to hers one, two, three more chaste times. "Bells, we need to get inside, you're drenched."

"Mmm." Is all I get from her at first, she hasn't even opened her eyes yet. "You're right." She sighs. "And you have some explaining to do." Bella eyes me then, making sure I realize there's no room to argue.

I huff out a short laugh. "Do I ever Bells, do I ever." I stand up, bringing her with me, trying to angle myself between my imprint and my pack. Bella hadn't noticed them yet and I didn't know how this would go. Her feelings towards Sam and the guys aren't the best.

"Bells, a lot has happened since I last saw you." Pain flashes through us both at the reminder of that night. "And I will tell you every damn bit of it, but right now, please just trust me." I plead, my fingers stroking her sides, my hands almost engulfing her entire waist.

"I trust you more than anyone Jake." She tells me, reaching up and tracing her fingers between my furrowed brow and I relax immediately.

Grasping one of her hands in mine I turn to face my brothers, keeping her behind me. They know what just happened so all I want is for them to go the hell away.

"Jacob, Bella." Sam greets.

Bella leans around me to look at who exactly is in front of us, finally noticing our company.

"Jake why the hell is he here?" She's trying to rein in her anger and is failing pretty miserably. I thought it might go down like this. The last time we talked about Sam was when he was stalking and scaring me, making her feelings more than fair.

"Bells, this is where the trust needs to come into play." I look down at her, trying to express that everything is alright and Sam is wanted here. Well, maybe not in this _exact_ moment.

She studies my face and then nods, before looking back at Sam and the others.

"Sam, guys." I acknowledge them.

"Did it happen?" Sam asks, his face breaking free of his impassive mask for a flash and showing some...hope? Positivity?

"Yeah, it did." I can't help my shit eating grin.

Bella is trying her best to give me a chance, to simply trust me. But I feel her watching me and all the questions she wants to ask might as well be in thought bubbles above her head she's so desperate to know the answers.

Sam gives up the ghost and lets out a real smile. "That's great Jacob." Then he's right back to business. "We're going to head to Old Quil's, your dad is already there, and talk to them. You two get dried off and talk. Head over when you can." He tells me.

I just nod, feeling overwhelmed by the very thought of being alone with Bella. Then it hits me, she doesn't even know these guys, not properly. "Crap, sorry Bells, these are my pac-uh friends. Jared, Paul and you know Sam and Embry."

Bella looks a little shocked and as if she thinks I'm bat shit crazy for introducing her to the group of assholes that made my life miserable as if they're just old buddies from the Res, but then I feel her compose herself, for my sake.

"Hi." She fidgets. "Nice to meet you and see you again." I feel her confusion as to why her words are truthful, even after all the crap I went through because of these men. It's her nature now to care for and trust them.

Wolf magic is intense.

They smile and greet her warmly. We all feel connected to and protective of each other's imprints.

And then there's Embry. The idiot stalks over to us, clapping me on the shoulder before picking Bella up and spinning her around in a bear, I mean wolf, hug. No matter how irrational it is, my love for my brother and his loyalty to Bella are overridden by my jealousy.

_Mine mine mine!_

I try to calm my possessive thoughts but can't help my exhale of relief when he puts her down and I can pull Bella against my side.

"Happy for you two." Embry beams and then walks back over to the guys and they start the trek to Old Quil's.

I quickly lead Bella inside my house and go straight to my room. I grab us towels and dry clothes. Thankfully I still have my pre-phase wardrobe and grab Bella a La Push Junior High Basketball team shirt and matching shorts.

"You can shower first Bells, come on." I tell her, as we head into my adjoined bathroom.

"No." She plants her delicate feet down as soon as I turn the shower on. "I want to know what the hell is going on Jacob." Bella's face is deadly serious and I can feel her confusion, fright, determination and love, swirling together like a storm.

"Bells please just get changed first. It might not be winter but you're still shaking and muddy." I practically beg. The need to protect her has multiplied like crazy. I won't force her, ever, but I'll push like hell when I think her own best interest isn't coming first.

"Ugh!" She grunts and actually stomps her foot. "Get out then." She pushes me into the hall, quickly closing and locking the door.

I hurry to use my dad's shower, laughing as I go, I want to be done and waiting for her when she's finished. Also, getting away from a naked, wet, soapy Bella is a smart decision right now.

I'm clean, dry and, for once, fully dressed in sweats and a white tee in record time. I take my cut offs to the mud room and prep the washer knowing Bella will want to wash her own clothes at some point. The coffee had just finished brewing when Bella appeared in the doorway of the kitchen.

And god is she beautiful.

The shirt is practically a dress, the shorts are hidden and she found long socks too. .cute. We stare at each other for a while, soaking in what we see. When I notice her breasts moving with each breath, and remember she doesn't have on a bra, I force myself to look away and make our drinks.

Bella sits at the table and I join her, sitting across from her after giving her the steaming cup of caffeine.

"Are you ready?" I ask. She can't answer me honestly since she doesn't know how deep that simple question actually is.

"Yes." Bella is calm and confident in her answer, even if I can sense her slight fear lurking beneath the surface.

I begin by telling her the legends of my people again, the same stories from our walk on the beach, when I had no idea she was researching her new friends. The first time she heard this she was focused solely on the cold ones but I see recognition register in her eyes when I talk about the wolves. I throw in the treaty as well this time. Before I was wolf it was a boring point, a fictional one I thought, now I know it's vital.

"You're a werewolf?" She confirms when I'm done, her heart racing.

"Yes. Sam and the guys are as well."

"That was you in the meadow with Laurent?"

"The dreadlock leech, yes."

She swallows slowly. "Was he committing the murders?"

I can tell she thinks it could be us but she's hoping it's not. "Him and his friend or mate. That's all stopped since we ripped him into pieces and burnt him though, so we're hoping he was the cause for the majority of the deaths."

Bella's eyes are as wide as the mug in her hand. "You killed him?!" She's truly shocked.

"Of course we did. What, did you love him too?" I shouldn't have said it but my nerves are eating me alive, this imprint thing is a two way street, she can still reject me.

"What? No. It's just...I've seen them fight, they seem indestructible." Bella doesn't seem impressed by this, shes mostly scared and grossed out.

"It's what us wolves were created to do. End the cold ones, protect our people from them." I see it then, she was worried for me.

"Hey." I say, reaching over to hold her hand. "I'm fine, it's instinct and I'm careful, not cocky when we take them down. Promise." I smile, trying to reassure her.

Bella looks me over as if searching for wounds from Laurent. Wait till she hears about how I heal.

Once she's satisfied I'm not going to croak she goes on. "Why did you cut me off when this happened? I could've been there for you. And what happened outside today?" She goes right in, doesn't she?

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before speaking. "Bells I'm so damn sorry for leaving you and for that shitty phone call. I'll always be sorry. You deserve better than that from me. But I couldn't see you or talk to you. This is the Quiluete's biggest secret and only the Elders and the pack member's imprints can know about us."

Bella squeezes my hand. "Jake it's okay. This secret has to be protected at all costs, I understand." She smiles, conveying her honesty before her eyebrows scrunch with confusion. "What's an imprint?"

I take my time and explain every bit of what an imprint is and can now use my own feelings from today too. When I'm done, Bella's face falls and her hand goes limp in my grasp before sadness floods my heart from her own.

I race around the table and kneel in front of her, turning her body to face mine before reaching up and placing my hands on either side of her face.

"Bells what's wrong?" I ask, concerned.

She doesn't lift her head as tears fall between us. "That just sounds amazing, that kind of love."

The penny dropped. Bella is so used to rejection and heartbreak she glossed over the facts, like me being able to tell her what I am, and instead is mourning maybe losing me to some random girl.

I tilt her head back until I can see her face and wipe away her tears. "That's what happened between us, today." I whisper.

Her silent crying as well as her heart stops. The latter picking up in pace a beat later. Relief, happiness and love rush through her with a vengeance. There's fear too, and caution, but we'll work on those together.

"Really?" She sniffs.

"Really. I'm yours, in whatever way you want me. There's no pressure." I remind her of what I just explained, my own heart scared of being broken.

Her brows furrow. "It doesn't always end in romantic love? Is that not what you want?"

"Of course it's what I want. Fuck Bells, if I thought I loved you and wanted you before, it's all heightened now." I rub her cheekbones with my thumbs. "And yeah, it has always ended up romantically, but I know I would only ever be what you needed and wanted."

Bella relaxes but says nothing. Instead she leans in and kisses me. My body is begging me to deepen it, lick my way into her mouth but I can't. We need to go to the Pack but more importantly I need something else.

I pull back but continue to cradle her face. "Bells, I can't keep doing this until I know..." I trail off, terrified of what she'll say.

"What Jake?" She prods me gently.

I sit to rest on my heels, dropping my arms to my sides. "There's no going back for me. If you want this, us, I need to know you're sure. I don't think I could survive if you changed your mind." All I want is to look at the floor, no matter how vulnerable I've been with Bella in the past, it's nothing like this moment. But I fight the urge and stare into her eyes.

Bella listened intently and I watched her face fall when I mentioned what her pushing me away would do. I felt not only my own pain but hers as well. And then she launched herself at me, taking me, somehow, by surprise and making me fall on my ass.

"Jake no." Bells rushes out, her breathing quickening while her hands hold my face. "You have no reason to trust my feelings or emotions. I can barely do that." She says quietly, shaking her head.

"But this is different. I knew it was the second we...imprinted." We both smile at the word. "I needed a push, something extra or ugh I can't put it into words but I was missing something, a part of me. I need you, I love you. I have for a long time and those feelings have only ever grown stronger and they're still growing. And yet I couldn't take that step, I drove myself crazy over what a mess I was. How I couldn't be with you, live my life and be _happy_."

Bella closed her eyes and gets lost in her own thoughts and memories for a while before sitting up straighter and speaking again. "Edward broke me. All of me. I put myself back together with your and Charlie's help but I still wasn't the same. Maybe it's the magic or the fact that he was the predator and I the prey." An incredulous look crosses her features, who thought any of us would ever have to talk about insane shit like this?

"That crack within me, held me back and attempted to ruin my life no matter how hard I tried otherwise." Silent tears roll down her face. "The imprint it...its giving me that extra confidence, that magic my life is accustomed to now." Bella had been wringing her hands and watching the movement for most of the time she was talking but she looked back up to meet my eyes again.

"We would've gotten here without it. I know that and I believe it. I don't want to take away from any of the other imprinted couples that only found love after it happened. Their love is valid and real and should be celebrated. But I loved you all on my own, for who you are, who I am when I'm with you and for us, who we are together." Bella finally smiles again, a blinding one that I haven't seen in way too long. Even when she was with ice boy she didn't look this happy.

"We might have been in matching wheelchairs." We both laugh at that. "But I would have found my way to you Jake, imprint or not. It is pretty cool to think your ancestors think we're meant to be though." Some more soft chuckles are shared even though it's true. We're true soulmates, and that's goddamn awesome.

It amazes me in that moment, just a few sentences can change two people's lives. And for the motherfucking better.

I wrap my arms around Bella, engulfing her in a hug. "I love you Bells. Always have, always will. Thank you for telling me everything. I will never hurt you again. I might fuck up and act like an idiot sometimes." I hear her muffled laugh against my chest." And I know you'll put me in my place. As long as we're honest with each other, everything else will fall into place." I pull back so I can see her face and brush the hair out of her eyes.

Bella smiles at me as she puts her hands on my shoulders. "Oh don't you worry, I'll keep you in line as long as you do the same. We'll just be us Jake, it's worked for years, I think it'll continue to do so."

As I speak I slowly run my hands down Bella's body until they rest on her hips, my fingers touching the top of her ass. "Not _exactly_ the same us, right?" Cause I need more of this." I emphasize my point with a kiss to her jawline that travels up behind her ear making her gasp.

Bella's voice is deeper and a little shaky when she talks again. "Mmm, more definitely more." She gives me one slow, deep kiss that has the wolf inside me almost dragging her to my bed, before she breaks it. "But not right now. We need to go to Quil's grandfather I'm guessing?"

I drop my head to the crook of her neck, the wolf and the teenager want their girlfriend alone right now but duty calls. "Yeah it is. Makes it harder since Quil hasn't phased yet. It'll happen soon though, even with the dreadlock vamp gone." I sigh.

"How do you know?" Bella is curious but sad at the thought of another one of us taking on this burden. It's necessary and none of us would trade it in for the world, because it allows us to protect the Tribe, but it's obviously not the life we imagined for ourselves.

"He's grown a good 7 inches and bulked up. Plus, his mom told Old Quil about his temper getting out of control and said he's burning up too." I take a deep lungful of Bella scented air and calm immediately.

"I'm sorry if he has to suffer, I hate that you all have to go through this. But thinking back to the way you and him felt when Embry first phased, he must be feeling a thousand times worse now that he's lost you both. The silver lining is, part of him will be happy to at least have his friends back." I nuzzle her deeper.

Not only is she worried for us all but she's trying to find any good in our current situation. I love her even more for it.

"You're right Bells. We may have to push him for it happen. He doesn't have siblings or a girlfriend. Without his friends he's been a loner of sorts. If there's no catalyst we can't even begin to imagine when he would finally snap."

Bella looks shocked. "And that won't make it dangerous, or more so, by pressing on a nerve or sore spot for him or something?"

I shake my head. "Don't worry Bells. We're all pretty experienced and as knowledgeable as we can get for now. He won't be hurt, he just might be a little more riled up." I can't help but smile. I've missed that pain in my ass like crazy. And since we all know he will turn it's been hard waiting to have him back.

I can feel Bella is still a bit shook and apprehensive but trusts me and the pack enough. "Okay...We should go." She looks into my eyes, smiling softly before slowly disentangling our limbs and standing up.

"Wait, I can't go out like _this_!" She gestures to her borrowed outfit.

I can't help but laugh. "Bells you look amazing. And it's just the guys, they won't judge or care."

She huffs and stalks off to start washing our wet and muddy clothes. I put on my sneakers and follow to throw her own pair into the machine.

"Jake, I could've used them for the walk."

"No way they're gross. I'll carry you."

Bella's eyes try to escape her skull. "What? That's not necessary."

"It's too off road to drive in our cars and too far for you to walk barefoot or at all really." I shrug and leave the mud room and head back to the kitchen.

Bella stomps after me. "Fine. Let's go." She crosses her arms over her chest and the hoodie she must've grabbed on the way.

"Bells it's not a big deal. If your shoes were dry you'd probably make it there. I'm just helping" I don't get what's wrong.

Bella walks over to me and hangs her head. "I'm sorry Jake. I know its a simple thing but with Edward everything seemed like I was weak or couldn't do the easiest task. You're not like that and I have to let go but it'll take time."

I reach for her face and tilt her chin to make her meet my gaze. "I only want to support you, help you. I don't doubt you at all. You can't do certain things and neither can I. That's life Bells, but as long as we're there for each other it'll all work out." I don't know exactly what to say. Part of me wants to fucking explode with anger at the thought that he made her feel this way but she doesn't need that right now.

Bella gives me a small smile and a quick kiss before opening the door. Once we're on the porch I crouch down and let her grab onto my shoulders. I stand up, taking her with me and when we're wrapped around each other like vines I take us to Old Quil's.

I'm not as fast as a vampire while in human form but I'm pretty close and we get there in minutes. Everyone is inside talking still about today and they don't falter when they hear our arrival.

Bella's heart race increases slightly when we reach the door. "Hey. It's okay, everything is going to be fine." I look back and reassure her.

"But I'm not Quileute. Won't that be an issue?"

That hadn't even crossed my mind. Bella could be purple and descend from Mars and I wouldn't give a shit. I can't sense what my dad or Old Quil are feeling but there's no apprehension or concern coming from the pack which is good.

"No. I won't let it. You're just the first pale face to be a mate, someone had to be first and I can't think of anyone better." I tell her truthfully.

Bella is still worried but I feel her relax a bit and then she nods towards the handle of the wooden door. I open it without knocking and let Bella down before closing it again. The weather is quickly taking a turn and I see a shiver run through her, making me say a silent thank you for the roaring fire I can hear crackling from the living room.

I grasp Bella's small hand in one of my own and lead us into the crowded, warm room. Once on the threshold, everyone goes silent and looks at us and then to Old Quil.

The weathered man slowly stands and shuffles towards me and Bella. He comes to stand directly in front of her, regarding her intently before cradling her face gently.

"Welcome my child. I suppose my people always knew you and your father were one of us, it's simply official now." He smiles warmly, as if he was her grandfather.

Bella's eyes get glassy as she beams back at him. "Thank you." She whispers.

"Come now Jacob, bring your mate and sit down, we have lots to discuss." Old Quil says as he crosses the room back to his leather chair.

I look at my Bells and I know our faces will hurt soon from our permanent smiles. One squeeze of our clasped hands and we join our pack, our family.

We're there for hours. Some of the guys come and go. Checking on their own imprints or patrolling the Res and Forks. Emily arrives when my dad and Old Quil are almost done recounting the legends once more but their version is more detailed and just, better. It's as if they were both present for all of our history. They also delve into the fact I'm the true Alpa and what that means not only for me but Bella as well.

Bella and, even I, have questions throughout and raise concerns as well. I haven't been present for this part of the wolf initiation and if I had it wouldn't have been tailored to me, all the information is edging on intimidating but I'm mostly in awe.

"There's much more we still are not aware of and this new pack will help us to learn and grow more." Old Quil sounds excited at the prospect.

"Obviously this is a lot to take in and in one night. You'll both have more queries and issues arise as time goes on and we're here to help son, you know that." My dad says warmly.

My throat feels thick with emotion. I've only ever wanted to make my dad proud and support him. Our relationship was tested during my last couple of months as a normal human and to see happiness and pride in his eyes made me feel like I'm finally getting a handle on me and my life.

"Thank you both. I thought this would be overwhelming but I actually feel more at ease." Bella is ten times calmer than when we arrived.

"Good, that's what we like to hear. Now, let's eat!" My dad rubs his hands together as Old Quil pushes him into the large kitchen/dining area. The added support seems to give the older man more confidence in his steps and suddenly Bella and I are alone.

I pull her onto my lap, keeping one hand on her face so she can't escape my gaze. "You sure you don't want to run, or try to run, for the hills now?"

Bella's mouth pops open at my teasing as she slaps my chest. "Not in these socks. Ask me again when I get my shoes back." She quirks an eyebrow at me.

"Oh really? Is that how it's going to be?" I play along.

She can't keep a straight face any longer and throws her head back in laughter before looking at me again. My chest physically tightens from how much I love her. "I'm not going anywhere Jake. I'll remind you everyday if I have to."

"You can show me too." I say in what I hope is a suggestive tone. This flirting shit is harder than it looks.

It must've worked though because I hear Bella's pulse race as she bites her bottom lip. "I can definitely do that everyday."

I barely hide my groan as I lean in and kiss her. Everyone is eating or running around in wolf form giving us an uninterrupted moment. I break the kiss way too damn soon but a hard on in sweatpants won't fly right now.

"Let's eat and then I'll see if Jared will drop us back at my house."

"Was I too heavy or something?" Bella jokes.

"Heavier than you look." I answer as I run my hands over her hips and ass, causing a spike in her heart rate again, she's got more curves than you'd think. "Still pretty much like carrying a kitten though." I laugh and earn myself yet another smack.

"We need a ride because the weather turned to shit as soon as we got here. It's only getting worse." I explain once we both compose ourselves.

"Oh, I didn't even notice. I should call Charlie and check on him, he's working an extra shift today."

"And tell him you won't be home until it passes, it would be risky trying to get to Fork tonight."

Bella's cheek flush and she wets her lips. "So I'm staying over?"

Well shit, all my efforts at getting rid of my etection just flew out the window. "If you're alright with that. We could try to get you home or you could stay with Emily." Bella always has options when it comes to me. I just hope I'm the one she chooses.

She answers by kissing me hard and nibbling on my bottom lip before standing up. "I'll go call my dad and then plate our dinner. You, uh, take your time." She says, eyeing my crotch. Even at this angle there's a tent.

I hear her giggles as she practically skips to the kitchen and all I can do is bury my head in my hands and think of Embry naked.

That tactic always works like a charm and I was beside Bella before she could finish filling my plate. We stay for a while longer, eating, talking and laughing with everyone. My heart is so full I swear my chest puffs out.

Bella, Emily and Kim are cleaning up and having girl talk? I guess while the pack goes over patrolling and where we think Laurent's mate has gone.

After imprinting, that member gets time off to be with their mate and I can't fucking wait. Bella is still out of school and I plan on spending every damn minute she'll give me with her.

"Jared, can you drop us off on your way home? We walked here."

"Yeah man. Your dad need a lift too?"

"Nah, hes going with Old Quil to Makah tomorrow, they're getting picked up here by Harry." We can all tell this patch of weather will pass by morning.

"Cool. Should we grab the girls now? The winds are picking up."

"We can start trying to drag them away." I chuckle. They always got along but now they're also even more connected.

"Babe! We need to go before the rain gets worse." Jared calls out to Kim.

The three women turn to us and sigh but quickly finish what they're doing.

I go to hug my dad on our way out. "See you when get back. Charge your phone and text or call me." I ask.

"I'm better with the cellphone now. And you do the same, it's only a day and half but I want to hear from you. And jokes aside, be safe." He looks to where Bella is hugging Emily and then back to me pointedly.

Whatever I was going to say gets stuck in my throat and comes out as a cough. It would've been a cop out or a joke, because I'm not about to tell the truth to my dad. We're close and talk about a lot but discussing how I can't stop thinking about sleeping with my brand new girlfriend and imprint, isn't on my list of acceptable topics. Alright fine, that thought has been on my mind since the second Bella moved back but now it might actually happen.

"Okay, okay we're leaving now." Is all I can manage as a reply.

My dad laughs before hugging Bella and telling us all to take our time in the storm. Thank god Jared drove his Land Rover because the roads to my house are like streams and the rain is relentless.

"Thanks guys!" I tell them when we're as close to my porch as possible.

"Tha-" I cut Bella off when I open the door, grab her and jump out, closing the door with my foot in one movement.

I was able to keep her mostly dry, my body acting as an umbrella.

"Well, that will take some getting used to." Bella laughs breathlessly when I put her down in my kitchen.

"Wait till you hitch a ride with a wolf." I quirk an eyebrow at her.

"Seriously?" Bella is in shock at that suggestion.

"Yeah, I mean if you ever want to."

She thinks it over for a moment. "Yeah I do, one day." And then she's off to put our stuff in the dryer.

I check all the windows and doors and by the time I'm done I've dried off, one perk of being my own space heater.

"Here you go." Bella comes back sans hoodie and socks to hand me new clothes. She doesn't realize I'm toasty dry until she's right in front of me. "Wait, what?"

I have to laugh at her. This learning curve is going to be interesting. And fun. "I run at about 108 degrees these days Bells. I'm my own Maytag dryer.

Bella shakes her head as if trying to clear her brain. "I have a lot to get used to huh?" She smiles at me.

"Yep." I take the shirt and pants from her grasp and place them on the coffee table before pulling her against me, wrapping her in my arms. "This is a good change at least, I can keep you warm." I murmur into her hair.

"Mmm, very good." She nuzzles into my chest and hugs me back.

Her hug quickly turns to caresses, up and down my back, around to my stomach, tracing the muscles there. Bella's cold hands warm in moments and she seems to be relishing in that fact, as well as the feel of me. I can barley fucking believe I'm standing in my living room with Bella touching me, reverently.

On the next pass of my sides, Bella lifts my shirt with her touch and I am beyond eager to remove it. As soon as it's over my head we lock gazes for the first time since we've been alone. I swear the chemistry and tension between us fills the room, replacing oxygen and causes the breath to get stuck in my throat.

Bella is breathing heavy as well and when she bites down on that damn lip my resolve breaks. I thread a hand into her hair and crash her mouth to mine as my other arm reaches under her ass to lift her off the ground.

Bella sucks in a breath/moan as her legs wrap around my waist, her hands tugging for purchase on my short hair.

"My room?" I ask against her lips.

"Yes." She answers automatically and then searches for my tongue with her own.

For the first time since I phased I feel human again. I have to concentrate on my steps so I don't trip or bump into walls and my heart is beating erratically. It's fucking awesome to feel normal, even if it's only fleeting.

My bedroom is big and simple and I love it. My dad mysteriously, well at the time, bought me a new king bed a few months ago. Now I know it was because I was about to rapidly outgrow the twin one I had been using since I was a kid.

Even when I was alone my bed was my favorite part of the house. It's huge, comfortable and with the little bit of sleep I've been getting lately, it softens the blow of only getting a couple hours of rest daily.

I'm more grateful than usual for Sue helping us clean the place and even adding a woman's decorative touch to every room of the cabin. No dirty laundry on the ground and fresh sheets and blankets make it even better bringing Bella here.

I crawl onto the bed and place her on my pillows and then sit back and soak in the image of Bella fucking Swan in my bed and a low growl escapes me.

"Damn Bells, I've wanted you just like this for so fucking long."

Bella blushes but then her face turns serious and I can feel how anxious she suddenly is.

"Not just for that Bells. Shit, I'm sorry. I meant as _mine_ , in my space and comfortable being here, instead of perching on the edge of my bed, almost falling off." I try to lighten the mood.

She gives me a weak smile. "I know Jake, don't apologize. I want that too and this." She motions between us and looks around my room. "That's not the problem. It's just...that...well...ugh. It's awkward."

I'm totally lost but try to reassure her. "Nothing is awkward between us. You can say, do or ask whatever you want." I'm still kneeling between her thighs and I run my hands up and down her calves to soothe her, they seem like the safest option at the moment.

"I want to ask you something but I'm not sure if I can handle the answer." Bella's pulse has slowed at my touch but she won't meet my eyes, instead choosing to wring her hands and watch the movement.

I'm no genius but I also don't believe I'm dim. Except in this moment. I have no fucking idea what she's going on about. "I don't know what it could be Bells but I'll only be honest with you."

A sad smile tugs at her face. "That's what I'm afraid of." My brain is running in circles completely confused now. Bella let's out a long sigh. "Here goes nothing. How um _experienced_ are you?" I can practically feel the heat from her flushed cheeks.

It takes a few seconds, and I'm sure a comically dense expression from me, before I understand what she's asking. I must've taken too long to respond because Bella finally looks at me again. I swear at first she's about to burst into tears but my confused face seems to stop them, for now.

"I have no experience Bells. Besides one crappy kiss years ago and "taking care of myself" a lot. Why were you scared to ask me that?"

Bella looks at me as if I have six eye balls. "Are you kidding me? Look at you for one. And then after kissing you today, you seemed to know exactly what to do is all." The incredulous looks is replaced by embarrassment. "It would've been...difficult to hear about you and someone else. I know that's not fair, factoring in my past but I can't help how it would've made me feel."

Jealous. Bella was jealous at the mere thought I had done something physical with another girl. I don't want her to feel like this but my heart revels in being wanted by her so much.

"You can feel that way Bells. A little jealously is healthy. As for knowing what I'm doing, well, I do, sort of." It's Bella's turn to look confused. "We've told you about the pack mind." She nods, still not grasping what I'm about to say. "Uh, it's not easy to hide our thoughts, no matter if they're memories or dreams, and we see a lot. More from some of the guys than others. And let's just say, Paul is very experienced and doesn't even try to lock up his mind from us." I hope this is clear enough because damn it's not a comfortable conversation.

I feel her recognition snap into place. "Oh my gosh. So they'll see us when you phase?" She's embarrassed at the thought but it doesn't rid her of any lust.

"I'm getting better at being private with my thoughts but things could slip out. I'm sorry Bells." I take her hands in mine.

"Jake, it's okay. I understand this is part and parcel of being a wolf, plus, you're not doing it on purpose." She takes a deep breath. "And I'm glad at least one of us knows what they're doing."

She's a virgin? Don't get me wrong, the thought of that leech touching her let alone having sex with Bella makes me sick and terrified. What if he couldn't control himself? But she says look at me? Look at _her_. I can barely keep my hands to myself and we've been together less than a damn day. It must've been torture for ice boy all those months. I still need to know what exactly went on between them. I must be a glutton for punishment.

"You mean, you've never...?"

"No I haven't."

"I'm happy so damn happy to hear that Bells. But I saw you and him together, I know you kissed him. Why not more?"

Bella isn't enthused to talk about this but I was honest and I can feel she wants to be as well. "At one point I wanted to. I'm so glad we didn't though. It was dangerous but Edward begrudgingly told me he thought he could handle it. We, ugh sorry Jake, we did a bit more than kissing." Bella hangs her head, she doesn't want to hurt me. "But his main reason for waiting was his values. He was stuck in 1919." She rolls her eyes at that.

"Anyway, it was a blessing in disguise that he wouldn't even let me take off my shirt because I feel as if I'd regret it now." She looks at me, conveying the truth behind her words.

It felt like a punch to the gut hearing things got heated between her and Edward but I don't care and I wouldn't have cared if they did sleep together. She's mine now and I'm ready to have our own first times.

"You shouldn't regret anything Bells. He was a part of your life and you've grown from it. And I think it helped you find your way to me. But I fucking love the fact we can _learn_ together." I tug on her hands so she's kneeling with me now.

Bella pulls my head down and kisses me until my mind is foggy with only thoughts and smells and feelings of _Bells, Bells, Bells._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, this chapter could have errors and I’m sorry. Let me know if you see any. I was eager to get this out and may have rushed a bit. 
> 
> Also, I was thinking of sharing pictures of inspiration for outfits and Jake’s house on my Tumblr, any interest in that?
> 
> Xoxo


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